


Just Another Day In Paradise

by Ultron



Series: What Is Love Trilogy [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: F/M, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-12
Updated: 2014-12-13
Packaged: 2018-05-03 10:41:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 26,941
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5287556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ultron/pseuds/Ultron
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After all that's happened the Avengers decide to hit the beach for a well-earned vacation. When Steve notices that Natasha doesn't feel comfortable there for some reason, he tries to cheer her up but what happens when it leads to something more? Is this vacation going to be just another day in paradise?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Just Another Vacation

**Author's Note:**

> I'm transferring my fics from FF to my AO3. I wrote this just after CA:TWS came out and it was inspired from when Natasha shows her scars and says she can't wear binkinis anymore. So yeah it takes place after CA:TWS. It has a sequel to it that is ongoing, Love in The 21st Century, and I've also put it on here too so check it out if you like this.

Steve Rogers, aka Captain America, hadn't been to the beach since World War II. Of course **that** hadn't been an enjoyable trip, but this week was going to be, or at least he hoped it would. Stark had decided it was time for the Avengers to go on a vacation and everyone agreed that they deserved one. What with the one year anniversary of the whole incident in New York coming up and the whole S.H.E.I.L.D./Hydra incident just happening a few months ago, Steve had to admit that he was tired out.

He set the cooler down in the sand a looked around. It was one of Stark's private beaches, with water as clear as a diamond and sand so white and soft it was like walking on a pillow. Ah, the things money can buy.

Sam Wilson, or Falcon as everyone was now calling him, came up behind Steve carrying two beach umbrellas. He was wearing olive green swim trunks. "Man, now **this** is a vacation spot. Clean, uncrowded, and relaxing," Sam said as he stuck one umbrella in the ground and stretched. "I am so ready for this vacation! Stark told me he made me a new flight suit and I think I'll go flying over the ocean."

Steve laughed as he pulled a water bottle out of the cooler, "Just don't fall in. We don't have anyone with any kind of aqua powers on the team."

"Yet," said Sam, setting up the second umbrella.

"Yet," agreed Steve, looking around the beach as the rest of their group began to arrive. First, came Tony, dressed in red swim trunks, alongside Pepper, who was in a gold bikini and matching sunhat. He was whispering in her ear and she laughed as she adjusted her beach bag.

Then, came Clint in grey swim trucks along with Fury in a black T-shirt and black swim trunks and Maria in a navy blue one piece swimsuit. Clint and Fury both were carrying two beach chairs in each arm and Maria had another cooler with the S.H.E.I.L.D. logo on the lid. All three had serious looks on their faces but Steve was pretty sure that they were excited on the inside.

Finally coming up the rear was Bruce who was wearing purple swim trucks. He carried the final two umbrellas which he handed to Steve when he joined the group. Steve stuck them in the ground and then began helping Clint set the chairs up under them, two chairs per umbrella. Steve looked back up at the beach house one more time to see where the one missing Avenger was but she didn't come over the small hill. He turned to Clint and asked, "Where's Natasha?"

Clint pointed up to the beach house. "Said she didn't feel like coming down now but she may be down later. She said she just felt like a nap after that plane ride."

Steve looked back at the beach house as he finished putting the last chair up. _Maybe I'll go check on her._ But thinking about how she would probably just shrug him off and tell him to go, tell him she was fine, he decided to wait. _If she doesn't come down soon_ _ **then**_ _I'll go check on her._ With one last look at the beach house he quickly turned around to begin his vacation.

Pepper and Maria quickly sat down in the beach chairs. Maria remained under the umbrella, looking like she was reading a book but you could see her eyes continuously looking around the beach, searching to see if anything was out of place. Pepper moved her chair out into the sun to tan and pulled out a tablet. You could see the files pulled up and knew that she just couldn't stop working, but if you were CEO of Stark Industries then you probably wouldn't have time to stop working, even on vacation.

Bruce took a seat in the sand under another umbrella and began feverishly applying sunscreen to himself.

Steve looked over and saw Sam talking to Tony and then go running up to the beach house. He assumed that he was about to go for a flight.

Steve walked over to Tony, Fury, and Clint and noticed Tony was holding a volleyball. "Rogers you want to play a game?" he asked holding up the ball. Steve shook his head. "Sure Stark. What are the teams?"

"I call Cap!" shouted Clint.

"Damn it, Clint," began Tony, "Fury is going to have to keep turning to see where the balls coming from." Tony put his hand over his left eye and began turning around in a circle. Clint and Steve couldn't help but laugh a bit but Fury seemed unamused.

"I'd watch it, Stark. S.H.E.I.L.D. may not be around anymore but I've still got people who could be ready to take you out in a second." Everyone gave a quick glance to Maria who was looking down into her book.

"Alright well let's get started. Legolas and Stars n' Stripes can serve first." And so the game began.

The day continued on and Clint and Steve were racking up the wins, though because of what Steve and Clint called a ball call, Tony and Fury won one. After that they asked Bruce to be ref and then when Sam returned he switched out with Fury and got to play a few games. Finally they all took a quick break.

As Steve pulled his water back out of the cooler to finish it off, he looked back up at the beach house. Natasha still hadn't come down. "Hey Bruce, what time is it?" he asked.

"Almost 1," he replied looking at his watch.

They had arrived at about 10. That meant Natasha had been up there for about 3 hours, certainly enough time for a nap. "Hey I'll be right back guys," he shouted as he began jogging to the beach house.

When he arrived at the giant doors he had to do a retina scan. Tony had said it was to make sure that everyone who came there was who they said they were and not a part of a race of alien shapeshifters, but Steve was pretty sure he was just joking about that last part.

As he entered the house he quickly hoped on the elevator to head up to the fourth floor, where Steve's, Sam's, and Natasha's rooms all were. He ran over to her door and began to knock on it before stopping himself. Tony had told him that he'd made the doors to where if there was even a knock against them they would classify it as a threat and enact the **necessary measures**. Since Steve didn't want to find out want to find out what that meant he went over to where the camera was. Each room had a security camera so whoever was inside could see who wanted them.

"Hello, Captain Rogers," said J.A.R.V.I.S. "Are you wishing to speak with Ms. Romanoff?"

Steve nodded. "Yes, is she asleep?"

"No, she is awake. I will tell her you are here." Steve could hear him through the door. "Ms. Romanoff, Captain Rogers is here to speak to you."

"Tell him to go away," he heard her say after seconds of silence.

"Yes Ms. Romanoff." J.A.R.V.I.S. voice returned to Steve's side. "Ms. Romanoff asks that you please leave her be."

Steve sighed. _I knew it would be like this._ "Tell her I'm worried about here and came here to check on her."

J.A.R.V.I.S. repeated his message to her. "Tell him I'm fine and to go away!"

J.A.R.V.I.S. repeated her message to him. "Tell her I'm not leaving until she talks to me."

This back and forth continued for a couple of minutes until J.A.R.V.I.S. got tired of it. "Forgive me Ms. Romanoff but I can't keep doing this. Captain Rogers the door is open." Steve heard a click, along with a frustrated sigh from Natasha as he walked in the room.

There sat the Black Widow herself on the side of the bed, in black denim shorts and a red tank top. Her red hair was ruffled and as she yawned, Steve knew she really had been napping.

"Hey Natasha," he began as he sat down on the lower end of the bed when she scooted herself up to the top end.

She was frowning at him. "I thought I asked you to go away."

He smiled at her. "Too worried about you to do that."

His smile helped some of her anger melt away and she gave a small smile. "Well don't be. Like I said I'm fine."

Steve could tell by her voice that she really wasn't. "Nat, you know I know you enough to know when something's wrong."

"Well if you know me enough then you know I can handle just about anything myself."

Steve knew this was true. Natasha was the strongest, bravest, most intelligent woman he knew and he knew that whatever was wrong she would handle it. "Still, as your friend I'm worried about you…but I respect if you don't want to talk about it." He stood up ready to go but before he could take a step she grabbed his arm. "I-I guess we can talk about it."

Steve smiled at her. "Over drinks. How does that sound? Stark said there's a bar in the basement and J.A.R.V.I.S. will make whatever we want."

Natasha hopped off the bed, smirking. "All right over drinks but wait, on one condition."

He stopped. "What?"

"You get out of those ridiculous American flag swim trunks," she said.

Steve stared down at his swim trunks. They had stars on one leg, stripes on the other. "These are my favorite pair," he said.

She raised her eyebrow at him. He sighed in defeat. "Alright, fine. I'll go change."


	2. Just Another Drink

After getting changed, Steve and Natasha hopped into the elevator and headed down to the bar. When the elevator doors opened J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice came over the intercom. "Welcome Captain Rogers, Ms. Romanoff."

"Hello, J.A.R.V.I.S.," they said in unison as they headed up to the bar. Steve pulled a seat out for Natasha before sitting in his own seat.

"Always a gentleman, aren't you?" she said, adjusting herself to face him.

"Just the way I was raised," he replied.

"And what will we be having this evening?" asked J.A.R.V.I.S.

"I'll have a greyhound," said Natasha, "With vodka not gin."

"Certainly Ms. Romanoff. For you Captain Rogers?"

"Um…" Steve was having trouble picking.

"Oh wait," said J.A.R.V.I.S., suddenly, "Mr. Stark told me he'd concocted something just for you. You must try it, he said. I'll get it right away and your greyhound too, Ms. Romanoff."

Steve looked at her confused. "So you're having a what?"

"A greyhound. It's what they call grapefruit juice mixed with either vodka or gin. Obviously the Russian in me chooses vodka over gin," she said.

"Oh. Well, I haven't drunk much since the war and then it was pretty much just 'I want some whiskey' or 'I want some beer'. Drinks didn't really have names to them other than brands of course," he said.

"Well seventy years later they do. And you're going to have to try some." Suddenly the counter opened up and out came their drinks.

"Here," began Natasha as she pushed hers toward him, "Try this."

Steve stared down at it for a minute before taking a sip. "Taste like normal grapefruit juice," he said, handing it back to her.

"Yep. The vodka doesn't really had a taste to it unless you use some flavored vodka. Ultimately, it's just spiked juice." She took a sip of it then smiled. "Even though it doesn't add anything to the taste it still seems better than regular grapefruit juice."

"Want a sip of mine?" asked Steve.

"Sure," said Natasha as she picked it up. After she took a sip, she made a face and set it back down in front of him. "Wow. Ok Tony must've give you like 190 proof or something because that is **very** strong. A few sips of the that and you'll be drunk in no time."

Steve stared down into his glass and gave sad smile. "I can't get drunk because of the serum. My body just burns it out of me too fast. I tried to get drunk during the war." He gave a small laugh. "I thought it'd help me get through some things but it never worked."

As he gazed into the clear liquid it was as if it was turning into a movie screen and replaying everything that had happened to him. Mom and Dad dying. Bucky. The Expo. Dr. Erskine. Training. Col Phillips. Peggy. The experiment. The aftermath. Dr. Erskine's death. "Captain America". Howard. Bucky on the experiment table. The Howling Commandos. HYDRA. Zola. Bucky and the train. Peggy's kiss. Red Skull. The Tesseract. His goodbye to Peggy. The cold water of the Arctic...

Steve quickly grabbed the drink and downed it, as if doing so would make the images go away. Natasha was right; the drink was probably the strongest thing he's ever tasted. He placed the glass back down on the counter and noticed Natasha looking at him.

"Steve, you ok?" she asked, reaching out to touch his arm.

"Yeah," he began nodding, "Yeah I was just-just thinking about old times." He quickly changed the subject, not wanting to think about the past anymore. "J.A.R.V.I.S. another please."

"Yes, Captain Rogers."

"So," he said turning to her, "I think we're forgetting the reason we came down here."

Natasha sighed. "Steve..."

"Nat, don't. You said you'd tell me what was wrong. Come on we got our drinks and I changed my shorts so start talking."

"I thought you'd said you'd respect if I didn't want to talk about it," she said.

 _I did say that._ Steve sighed. "Well I guess if it's really bothering you **that** much to talk about it then..."

She took a sip of her drink then set the glass back down and ran over finger over the brim. "You'd be a terrible interrogator, Steve. You're too nice." She spun around in her chair and leaned against the counter. "What's been bothering me...are my scars."

That kind of surprised Steve. He remembered Natasha saying that she couldn't wear bikinis anymore because of the scar on her abdomen but he thought she was just being sarcastic about it. He didn't really expect Natasha to care too much about that stuff. "Nat," he began, "no one's going to say anything about your scar. We all have scars here. Besides there are swimsuits that cover that up."

"Steve it's not just that one scar," she said.

"Oh is it also the one of your shoulder? Nat, even if you can't really hide it no one will say anything about it," he said.

"No, Steve, you don't understand," she began, frustrated, "It's not those scars I'm talking about it the ones I got from...got from..." She turned around, grabbed her drink, and finished it off. Then everything got silent for a second as Steve waited for her to continue.

"From?" he asked.

She stared down at her reflection in the counter. Steve could tell by the look in her eyes that she was reliving some moment in her head, just as he had a few minutes ago. "From where Nat?" he began, bringing her back to reality, "Come on you can tell me...we're friends." He smiled at her but she didn't smile back.

"Steve...I'm sorry but this is something I've never talked about with anyone, not even Clint."

Steve felt a ting of disappointment and jealously go through him and he felt bad about it. _I respect Natasha not wanting to talk about it, but...I guess I thought we were close enough to discuss stuff like this. Then again who's closer to Nat than Clint, and if she hasn't told him why would she tell me?_ "Alright then." He finished his second drink and waited for J.A.R.V.I.S. send another up for both of them.

For a few minutes the both just sat there drinking and refilling and repeating. Finally Natasha started up a conversation. "So how are things with Sharon? You ever go on that date with her?"

Steve shook his head. "Yeah but it didn't go anywhere. We went out for coffee once and we kind of got caught up talking about Peggy. It just seemed like what we had in common was, well, Peggy. And I don't want to sound weird but when I looked at her I couldn't help see the similarities and it bothered me. I still see her sometimes when I visit Peggy though."

"I see," said Natasha, "I guess I'm going to have to find more people to set you up with then."

Steve laughed. "Oh gosh."

"What?" she asked, smirking, "Not ready for a lady, Steve?"

"I have a lady," he said softly, touching his pocket to feel his compass.

Thoughts of Peggy filled his mind, thoughts of the strong, intelligent woman he knew and then thought of the poor, confused woman she had become in those 70 years. He took another sip of his drink. He had to admit that his head was starting to feel a little fuzzy.

"So," he began turning the conversation back to Natasha, "what about you? Got a special man in your life?"

Natasha laughed as she swirled the ice in her glass. "Please. There is **way** too much going on in my life to have time for a relationship."

"Well, are you interested in someone?" he asked.

She glanced over at him and smiled. "...Maybe," she replied after a moment of hesitation.

Something about her look made Steve blush a bit and he quickly turned his attention back to his drink.

They continued with more basic chitchat as the night went on. Things like 'how is this/that' or 'what have you been doing lately' or 'wonder what so and so is up to'. J.A.R.V.I.S. kept the drinks coming and as the night drug on Steve's head kept getting fuzzier. _I feel like I should go lie down._ But he was enjoying this time talking with Natasha. She never really seemed one for many words when he first met her but during the Hydra/S.H.I.E.L.D. incident he'd got to see more sides of her and now considered her a friend, closer to him than all the rest of the group. So he remained down there with her.

He didn't exactly know when it was that he blacked out.

MEANWHILE ON THE BEACH...

Everyone was lounging on the beach, tired out from there first day of their 10 day vacation.

"So," began Tony who was munching on some blueberries, "who wants to make a bet with me?"

"Depends on what we're betting about," said Fury.

"I'm not telling yet; I want this to be interesting," said Tony.

"Tony, I don't think anyone here is going to bet if they don't know what it's on," replied Bruce, taking a handful of Tony's blueberries.

"I'll take a chance, Stark," pipped up Clint.

"You're a real man, Arrows," replied Tony.

"Ok so what the bet, Stark?" asked Sam.

"The bet, my dear friends, is that I can get Capsicle in there drunk within these 10 days," announced Tony.

"Tony," began Bruce, "You do understand that Captain Rogers can't get drunk, right?"

"Oh I'm glad I took this bet," chuckled Clint.

"Well you won't be for long Katniss," began Tony, "for I found some of my fathers papers about the serum, and, after studying them a while, created the perfect drink for him. So, on one of these 10 days we're going to take him down there and I'm going to win a bet."

Clint sighed. "I wished I'd known all that before."

"So what'll the loser do?" asked Sam. "Give the winner some money? Do an embarrassing stunt?"

"We'll cross that bridge when Clint gets gets there," said Tony.


	3. Just Another Morning

Steve awoke the next morning, feeling like he's slept on a rock. _I know I told Tony I didn't want a really soft bed but come on. It's feel like I should've just slept on the floor._ He rolled himself over, only to collide with the legs of a chair. He then realized that he was not in his bed but rather on the floor of the bar. He raised up slowly, groaning at the pain in his head and back.

"Morning," said Natasha, sitting in a chair at the bar in front of him. She reached around and grabbed a drink then hopped off the chair and handed it too him.

"What is that?" he asked, staring uncertain at the drink in his hand.

"Coconut water," replied Natasha, "It helps with the dehydration that comes from a hangover."

Steve took a big swig before asking, "A hangover?"

Natasha nodded. "Yeah a hangover. You know, what happens the morning after you get drunk."

Steve slowly stood up, a bit unsteady on his legs, and then took a seat back at the bar. Natasha joined him. "I can't get drunk. It's literally impossible."

"Not when Tony Stark is you bartender," she began, "Last night he told me that he'd read some old papers Howard Stark had on you and found out just what he needed to make to get you drunk."

"Wait a minute, Stark told you all this?" he asked.

Natasha grinned. "Only after I beat it out of him. He came down here wanting to make sure everything was ready, said something about he and Clint made a bet about getting you drunk one day this week. Anyway, when he came down you had just passed out on the bar and I was asking J.A.R.V.I.S. what Stark had done. When I heard him starting to make a mad dash back to the elevator I caught him and got it out of him."

Steve made a note to kill Tony before the day was over.

"So, wait," began Steve, "If I passed out at the bar, why was I on the floor?"

Natasha laughed. "I tried to pick you up and carry you back up but it was no use."

"So you just left me in the floor?" he asked.

"Well at least when you were in your chair when I got you up the first time so you were sort of halfway standing. When you hit the floor though there was no chance I could just lift you up," she replied.

Steve took another swig from his water. Then they both sat there in silence for a moment until Steve spoke up. "So..." began Steve, slowly, "what all happened last night?"

"You don't remember anything?" asked Natasha.

Steve shook his head. "Not really. The last thing I remember is we were just having some small talk and my head stared to feel a bit fuzzy and then nothing."

Natasha laughed. "Where to begin."

Steve sighed. "Oh gosh what'd I do?"

"You really want to know?" asked Natasha, smirking.

"Why how bad is it?" he asked, nervous.

Natasha laughed. "Oh calm down, Steve; it isn't that bad. So we drank a bit more and I noticed you were starting to get a bit too relaxed than normal. Then I knew something was wrong when you started calling me Peggy. You told me to watch you do your new "Captain America"routine, said you got to punch Hitler in the face in this one. So then you starting swinging your fist around and almost fell over. Then when you finally got tired you feel down in the seat beside me and...and..."

"What?" asked Steve, frantically, "Nat, what happened?"

"Well...," she began, "You said 'I love you, Peggy" and then kissed me...and then you passed out. I must say though that either you've had practice since I kissed you or you just kiss better when you think of her."

Natasha laughed but Steve just sat there silent for moment as he processed it all. His head was spinning, partly from the hangover and partly from all he'd just heard.

"Why would I do that?" he asked, voicing aloud his thoughts.

"Oh, don't be hard on yourself, Steve. Everyone does stupid things when they're drunk. You probably just had your mind on the past and decided to act an old promotion routine out." she said. "It was actually pretty funny to watch."

"No," said Steve, "I wasn't talking about that."

"Oh," began Natasha, "you mean the whole Peggy thing? Look Steve you were probably just thinking about her and then saw me sitting here and, you know, just believed I was her. It's really not a big deal."

"But why would I do that?" asked Steve, mostly to himself, "You aren't anything like Peggy."

Natasha was a little surprised. "Oh really? Why is that?"

When the words came out of Steve's mouth, he immediately regretted them. "Because Peggy was **always** good."

Natasha appeared a bit hurt by his comments but quickly regained herself. "Well, excuse me for trying to survive," she replied coldly. She quickly got up and started to head toward the elevator.

Steve immediately jumped up and started after her. "Natasha, wait! I didn't mean it like that!" He reached the elevator just as she was closing the door. He tried to grab it before it closed and tried talking to her. "Nat, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. My head's still fuzzy and I-"

"Steve," interrupted Natasha, "I...look if you don't let this elevator go I'm going to stab in the neck."

Knowing she would probably do it, Steve let go. He stood there a second, his head throbbing worse than earlier, before he finally got into the elevator and headed up after her.

When he got off on the fourth floor he went to Natasha door. "J.A.R.V.I.S. is Natasha in? I really need to talk to her."

"I'm sorry, Captain Rogers but Ms. Romanoff doesn't want to be disturbed and after last time I think I should do as she ask," J.A.R.V.I.S. replied.

Steve sighed, thanked J.A.R.V.I.S., and headed off to his own room. He decided that a cool shower might make his head feel better.

As he stepped into the shower he leaned his head against the wall and let the cool water run down his back as he stood there, thinking.

_I shouldn't have said that. Natasha **is** good. I know that; I've **seen** it, firsthand, in New York, in D.C. _

Sure, Natasha had worked for the KGB but it was like she said, she had to survive. Then she joined S.H.E.I.L.D. to start over and he remembered how upset she seemed when she found out it was really Hydra. It was like she couldn't escape the bad, no matter how hard she tried. And Natasha did try so hard to turn over a new leaf, to erase the red in her ledger, to stop her past from haunting her. Then he had to go and say that and it was as if her efforts to change didn't matter.

Steve knew that he'd fractured his friendship with Natasha, something that was so hard to build to begin with. He knew that Natasha had very few close friends and he was so glad to be one of them but now here he was, trying to figure out a way to fix the crack he'd created.

He sighed and decided he'd needed someone to talk too. So, after he showered and dressed, he headed over to Sam's room.

"Hello Captain Rogers," began J.A.R.V.I.S., "Wishing to speak with Mr. Wilson?"

"Yep," said Steve.

"I'll wake him then," replied J.A.R.V.I.S.

Steve stood there for a moment, looking around the hall, before Sam finally came to the door, rubbing his eyes.

"Steve it's 7:00 am, what could you possibly need? And please don't say we're going for a run; this is a vacation," he said.

"I need someone to talk to Sam. Can I come in?" he asked. Sam nodded his head and motioned him in.

Before Steve could sit down Sam quickly made up his bed, military style, and then took a quarter from a stack of pocket change on his night stand and then bounced it on his bed and caught it in the air. Steve smiled; little military things never left you.

Steve slowly sat down on the edge of the bed, making sure not to ruin Sam's hard work, and Sam grabbed a chair and pulled it up to face him. "So what do you need to talk about?" asked Sam.

"...Natasha," Steve answered.

"Natasha?" asked Sam, confused, "What happened?"

Steve began going through all the events from the morning and the previous night. When he was finished Sam was just staring at him.

"Steve, I'm sorry for saying this, but what the hell is wrong with you?" he asked, "Why would you even **think** to say that to her? I mean I only worked with her in New York but she seemed to be pretty well on our side."

"I know," began Steve, "I wasn't thinking clearly."

"So what do you plan to do now?" asked Sam.

"I plan to repair my friendship with Nat, of course," replied Steve.

"But that's easier said than done," countered Sam.

"True," sighed Steve, "I was hoping you'd help me come up with a plan."

"Sorry, Steve but the women I'm attracted to aren't so complex so I don't think-" began Sam.

"Wait," interjected Steve, "did you just say the women I'm **attracted** to?"

"Yeah," said Sam, "I mean I'm not going to lie Steve but you get attracted to some complex women. Peggy, Natasha."

"I'm **not** attracted to Natasha," said Steve. "We work together, we're close friends, but there is **no** attraction."

"I don't know, Steve. I've watched the two of you and I definitely thinks something's there," said Sam.

"Yeah, well, you'd be wrong," replied Steve.

"Steve you ever think maybe there was a reason you called Natasha Peggy last night?" said Sam, "You think that maybe you see the similarities in them and it just kinda manifested in your drunken mind last night."

"When did you become a psychiatrist, Sam?" asked Steve, sarcastically.

"Look Steve, working with the people I do I've got to learn to understand their minds; I've got to be able to help them explain why they do what they do. I'm the closest thing to a psychiatrist without having an actual degree."

Steve thought on it for a moment. Was what Sam saying true? Yeah, maybe Natasha and Peggy had some similarities; they were both intelligent, independent, beautiful ladies who could kick some serious butt. Is that part of the reason he saw Peggy in Natasha last night? And now that he thought about it, was he maybe a **little** attracted to Natasha?

Steve shook his head. "No! No way. I don't like Natasha like that. I've got my girl," he said, speaking his thoughts aloud.

"Steve," began Sam, slowly, "Don't you think that maybe it's time to, you know, let Peggy go? I mean you'd still hold a place for her in your heart but you'd also move on a bit in your love life."

"I couldn't do that to Peggy," said Steve.

"Yeah but, look man, you have to consider that she moved on in her life," said Sam.

"That's only because she thought I was **dead**. Peggy is still here," said Steve. _But for how much longer?_ Steve couldn't shake the thought that Peggy wouldn't be with him much longer.

As if Sam had read his mind he said, "Steve when you "died" I'm sure you wanted Peggy to live her life and be happy, right?"

Steve nodded. It was true. He thought when he put the aircraft underwater he'd die and also he talked to Peggy during it, he kept thinking about how much he loved her and how much he wanted her to always be happy.

"Well don't you think that Peggy sort of understands the state she's in and wants you to live you life and be happy since you have the chance to?" said Sam.

Steve thought about it for a moment. "Yeah," he finally said, "she would."

Sam stood up from the chair. "Steve, look, I believe that you should move on in your love life, that Peggy would want you to. And if it's with Natasha then that's good. But if you just want to remain friends with her then that's good too. No matter how you want to move on with this though Steve the first thing you need to do is tell Natasha how sorry you are."

Steve stood up and nodded. Sam was right. He needed to tell Natasha he how sorry he was, how he wanted to fix their friendship; he could try to sort out the rest of his feelings later. "Thanks Sam."

Sam smiled and touched Steve's shoulder. "No problem, man. I'm always here to listen."

Suddenly J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice came over the room. "Good morning, everyone. Breakfast has just been finished. It's currently ready in the dining room on floor one."

"Come on," began Sam, "let's go get some breakfast."

So they headed out the door and toward the elevator and who was waiting there for it but Natasha.

She glanced over at Steve and Sam and then returned to look at the elevator waiting for the doors to open. Steve knew she was still mad.

Suddenly the doors opened and Natasha walked in with Steve behind her and Sam coming in behind him. Just as he thought Sam was in the elevator, he jumped out. "Sorry I, uh, forgot to get something. Let me just go get it and then I'll be right down, ok?" With that he rushed off to his room.

An awkward silence feel over the elevator as the doors shut and they started heading down. Steve looked over at Natasha who was staring at the elevator wall. When he looked away, Natasha looked over at him until he started to turn back to look at her. They repeated watching each other until finally they were staring each other directly in the eye.

Steve, a bit embarrassed, laughed and Natasha even did a little too. Steve felt a little bit of the tension melt away. _I guess now's as good a time as any._ "Natasha," began Steve before the dinging of the elevator cut him off. They were stopped at floor 3 and in hopped Maria and Fury, along with Sam, who Steve guessed had ran down instead of wanting to wait for the elevator to come back up. As everyone piled in, Steve became a little agitated he missed his chance to talk to Natasha.

They then descended to the first floor where when they stepped off they were hit with the smells of delicious food. Everyone sat down at the large table in the dining room and by the time everyone else was seated Steve noticed that the only place left was in front of Natasha. He took a seat and watched as she chatted with Clint, who sat beside her. He felt a little jealous watching them; it only made him feel worse about what he said. Normally he could've been the one talking to her like that.

Suddenly, a couple of Tony's Iron Man suits came out from the kitchen each carrying plates of food and placed them in front of everyone.

As everyone ate they tried to decide what to do that day. "Well, I think we should have a cookout later tonight," suggested Pepper.

Everyone seemed to be in agreement with the idea. "Great," began Pepper, "so how about when it gets closer to time we-"

J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted her. "Ms. Potts, you have a phone call from Mr. Hogan."

"Oh well I'll be right back," said Pepper as she left the dining room.

"So, anyway," began Tony, "why don't we talk about the fact that last night I wo-" J.A.R.V.I.S. interrupted him.

"Director Fury, a certain former agent of S.H.E.I.L.D. is on the line."

Fury and Maria both looked at each other before getting up.

"So what were you saying Tony?" asked Sam.

"I was saying th-" began Tony again before J.A.R.V.I.S. came back on the line.

"Mr. Wilson you've got a phone call from the VA, Dr. Banner it's time to take your blood pressure medicine, and Mr. Barton a woman named Bobbi is on the phone." They all left, leaving only Tony, Natasha, and Steve in the room.

Everything was silent and an awkward tension was in the air. Steve slowly at his bacon while Natasha picked at her eggs. Tony looked back and forth from both of them. "Did you to screw each other last night or something?" he asked.

Steve started choking and Natasha glared at Tony. "What the hell, Stark? You were down there; you saw how passed out Steve was. You think he just woke up after that and decided we should have sex?" she asked.

"Well weirder things have happened. And besides how did I know you two didn't do it before I came down? You all were gone for a pretty long time yesterday."

Steve shifted uncomfortably.

"Screw off Stark. You know good and well we were drinking down there," said Natasha.

"Sorry but the way you two are acting makes me believe that you two might've sealed the deal last night. Now you, Romanoff, might've enjoyed it; you seem like a woman who'd enjoy controlling a 90 year old virgin in bed, but then boy scout over there had probably had like an emotional crisis and now everything's all weird between you. Right?" he said.

 _Well minus the sex part you've pretty much got the rest of the story._ "Stark, we didn't have sex last night," said Steve. "We drank and I just got drunk then passed out. Nothing's weird between me and Nat." He looked over at her, awkwardly smiling. "Right?"

She nodded, slowly. "Right. I don't understand where this came from Stark."

They returned to their eating but Steve could still see Tony looking at them.

When everyone finished eating they headed off to their rooms to prepare to head down to the beach. As Steve started out of the kitchen, Tony grabbed him by the arm. "Rogers," he began, "just wanted to let you know that I know that I saw some surveillance footage of what happened between you two last night and this morning down in the bar so I know you guys were lying when you said that nothing was weird between you two."

"Wait if you knew what happened why did you ask if we had sex?" asked Steve.

"I just wanted to make you uncomfortable," said Tony. "Anyway, I just wanted you to know that I am here to help you with whatever you're planning to do to fix this. Cause it really looks like you've screwed up, Rogers."

No one had to tell Steve that twice. "Thanks Stark." They both started to walk away before Steve turned around. "Oh and Stark what was this about a bet you and Agent Barton made to get me drunk?"

"Well, uh, you know what how about I just call the whole thing off, huh?" said Tony.

"Yeah, you may want to do that." said Steve, hopping on the elevator.


	4. Just Another Wound

Natasha Romanoff has been wounded more ways than you could count. Kicked, punched, stabbed, shocked, shot, burned, and the list just kept going on and on. Those were just the physical wounds though, the ones that she had quickly learned to handle; it was the emotional ones that still would make her bleed a little on the inside.

True, she had been a spy for years and had faced nasty interrogations with everything bad about her being spit into her face but there was still something about hearing others tell you all your faults still stung her. When she was first getting started she let the hurt show, not because she wanted too but because she couldn't help it, but after a while she knew better than to do that, knew that it only gave them more leverage over you, and she began learning how to hide the pain the words caused her.

Like a year ago when she was interrogating Loki. Everything he had said about the hospital fire, Drakov's daughter, and Sao Paulo filled a part of her with regret, guilt, and sadness but she refused to let it consume her and carried out her interrogation perfectly. The best lies often have a bit of truth to them as they say so what better way for her to fake Loki out than by letting a little of her feelings show.

Many would believe that the Black Widow was made of ice or stone, but that wasn't totally true. Natasha may be tougher than most but she was still human; she still could be wounded. And what hurts more than the words of enemies was the words of friends.

So when the words left Steve's mouth, a flash of pain came over Natasha's face but she quickly composed herself. "Well, excuse me for trying to survive," she said as she headed to the elevator.

She heard Steve running after her, shouting, but she ignored him and hopped into the elevator. She pressed the 4th floor button and watched as the elevator doors began to close. She watched as Steve got closer and just when she thought that he had missed her, he quickly grabbed the doors.

"Nat, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. My head's still fuzzy and I-" he began before she cut him off.

"Steve, I...look if you don't let this elevator go I'm going to stab you in the neck," she said, completely serious.

Seeing that she could probably do it, he let go of the elevator and she headed up to her room.

The moment she entered her room she headed to the bathroom to soak for a while. For some reason she felt kind of filthy; maybe it was from sleeping in bar stool after some heavy drinking or maybe it was because she couldn't get what Steve said out of her head. "Because Peggy was **always** good" kept echoing in her ears.

Though Natasha wouldn't admit to it, she was proud of how she had changed. After Clint had decided not to kill her, a part of her wanted to go to a better side, where she could help people, where she could get rid of the past and some of the red in her ledger. When she joined S.H.E.I.L.D. she felt like she wasn't just surviving anymore, as she had when she joined the KGB. She felt like she was truly a part of something better. So when it was revealed to be Hyrda she was shocked. Like she told Steve, she only traded the KGB for Hydra. She couldn't escape the bad.

"Can you wipe out that much red? Your ledger is dripping; it's gushing red." Loki's words rang in her head as she began undressing. _I thought I had wiped out some of it._ With New York and Washington, Natasha felt that some of the red was washed away, that by saving so many innocent people's lives it had made up for some of those lives she'd taken. But maybe only she was the only one that thought that.

She thought about when she asked Steve if he trusted her and he replied that he did. Aside from Clint, Steve was who she felt closest to, someone she considered a friend more than just a co-worker. So much had happened between the two of them since New York and when he, the virtuous Captain America, said he trusted her, it only made her feel more like she was on a better path and people were starting to see that.

 _Apparently not._ She thought as she finished undressing. She walked over to the mirror and stared at her naked body. Plenty of women mentioned that they wished they could have a body like hers and she knew plenty of men wanted her body, in a different way, by the way they looked at her. _If they saw this would they still want it?_

She could remember just about everywhere she got each of her scars. A couple of small bullet wound scars from Budapest dotted her body, a knife scar from Sao Paulo was one her right thigh, she had burns all over her back from the hospital fire, but one scar are on her had hurt worst than the rest.

She remembered the day she received it vividly in her head. It was just another mission, take out someone to send a message to someone else, simple. Or at least that's what it seemed like until she met her target, eight-year-old Irina Drakov. Natasha was told to kill Irina to send a message to Russian politician, Maxim Drakov, that they were coming for him next.

Natasha wasn't really new to spying, she'd done it since she was a child, but assassinations were a different story; she'd probably only been on assassination mission about four or five times before then and none of them had involved children. For a moment, she even considered asking if she could be taken off the mission but knew better than to do so. So she went through with it.

First she began by becoming Irina's private tutor. She spent weeks with the little girl, teaching her, talking to her, **bonding** with her. After a while she began seeing a little bit of her former self in the girl, the self that existed before the spying.

Then the day came. Natasha remembered it well. It was like any other day she went to tutor her, so quiet, so normal. It was snowing as Natasha drove to the Drakov house and she remembered trying to walk into the house in those black boots with a big heel and she fell down on the pavement and scraped her hands. Irina had rushed out to help her and fell down as well and they both laughed about it in the house as she put band-aids on their hands. It was the last time Irina Drakov laughed.

Natasha remembered how she did it. She'd leaned over Irina, acting as if she was explaining something, and placed a gun next to her torso. Natasha remembered how in that moment, for the first and only time in her career, her hand was shaking when she fired. The shot wasn't a kill shot and Irina feel the the ground, screaming and breathing heavily as she held on to her wound. Her screams had alerted her guards and Natasha could hear them coming. As she started to run she was stopped by Irina grabbing her pant leg.

She could never get the look Irina gave her out of her mind. Her face was filled, not with anger, or fear, or shock, but with sadness at Natasha's betrayal. As crystal clear tears flowed from her eyes and scarlet red blood from between her fingers, Irina mouthed one finally word to her: why?

And Natasha stood there and couldn't come up with the answer. It kept floating through her head. Why? Why did she do it? Why did she kill a little girl? Because she was assigned to? Was that really the best answer she could give? But before Natasha could keep thinking of what to say the guards had arrived.

Quickly she pulled away from Irina's grasp and started to head for the door. And just as she thought she was free she felt a burning pain below her stomach. She placed her hand against it and felt the warm liquid on it as she drew it away. A bullet had hit her but hadn't exited and she feared what would happen to her insides if she started running. She was beginning to feel dizzy and could hear the sounds of the guards but couldn't clearly determine how close they were. Luckily though her backup had arrived and after hearing the two gunshots and the guards drop to the floor, she blacked out.

She awoke the next day in the hospital, with a fresh scar and some bad news. The doctor told her that the bullet had been removed successfully but had left her to where she would never be able to have children. _A punishment for killing a child I assume._ _  
_

Now Natasha looked at the white mark on her and sighed. These were the scars she was trying to hide, the ones from her time on the bad side. Like she had told Steve, she hadn't really even talked to Clint much about them; he only knew the basics of how she got them and that was that. And she wondered what people would say if they saw them. They'd probably would want to know the story behind them and those were stories Natasha wasn't ready to tell, not even to those closest to her.

She stepped into the tub and more thoughts floated through her mind. _I bet if I told Steve those stories now it'd only give him more reason to think bad of me, not that I care what he thinks.  
_

But, as much as she hated to admit it, she did kind of care. Lately she was getting closer to Steve and when he asked her if she was interested in someone his was the first name to come to mind. _But it's not like that. It's not love. Love is childish._ At least that's what she kept telling herself.

Natasha soaked in peace for a while then heard J.A.R.V.I.S. saying breakfast was ready. Natasha was quite hunger so she quickly rose, dressed, and headed to wait for the elevator. A moment later she heard a door opened and glanced over her shoulder to see Sam and Steve. She ignored them.

When the elevator doors opened she got on first and watched as Steve and Sam joined...until Sam suddenly jumped off saying he forgot something. She could tell it was a big lie just to get the two of them together. She kept her eyes on the wall but could feel him staring at her. When he looked away she looked over at him.

She noticed he was turning to look at her so she quickly turned away. This repeated for a while until they were looking into each others eyes. _Like some rom-com for something._ She could tell Steve was embarrassed but was surprised when he started laughing. Oddly enough she found herself laughing a little too. It was a bit funny after all.

After they stopped laughing Natasha noticed Steve take a deep breath. "Natasha," he began before being cut off by the ding of the elevator. Fury, Sam, and Maria all hopped on and they headed down to the first floor. She knew what he was going to say. _He was going to apologize._ Maybe a there was a part of her that wanted to forgive him but for now Natasha couldn't find that part.

When they arrived in the dining room Natasha took a seat by Clint, who had already arrived. He smiled at her and she back at him and the two of them began talking chatting about basic things. He asked if she felt better than yesterday; she glanced over at Steve who sat in front of her. "Kinda," she replied.

Suddenly, Tony's suits came and placed a plate in front of everyone and as they ate they talked about what to do for the day. Pepper suggested having a cookout, which everyone agreed to, but just as she was about to say more about it she was called away for a phone call.

Then Fury and Maria were called away by J.A.R.V.I.S. for a phone call. Then so were Sam, Clint, and Bruce, leaving only herself, Steve, and Tony. Natasha knew Tony was up to something but she quiet sat there and picked at her eggs and felt the awkwardness in the air. She was just waiting for Tony to say something.

Then he did. "Did you to screw each other last night or something?" he asked.

Steve started choking and Natasha glared at Tony. She **knew** he was going to say something. "What the hell, Stark?" she began. You were down there; you saw how passed out Steve was. You think he just woke up after that and decided we should have sex?"

"Well weirder things have happened. And besides how did I know you two didn't do it before I came down? You all were gone for a pretty long time yesterday."

She noticed Steve shifted uncomfortably and she gave an angry sigh.

"Screw off Stark. You know good and well we were drinking down there," said Natasha.

"Sorry but the way you two are acting makes me believe that you two might've sealed the deal last night. Now you, Romanoff, might've enjoyed it; you seem like a woman who'd enjoy controlling a 90 year old virgin in bed, but then boy scout over there had probably had like an emotional crisis and now everything's all weird between you. Right?" he said.

 _Only because Steve had to make it so weird. He could've just laughed off his drunken behavior like any normal person._ She wanted to voice her thought but didn't.

"Stark, we didn't have sex last night," said Steve. "We drank and I just got drunk then passed out. Nothing's weird between me and Nat." He looked over at her, awkwardly smiling. "Right?"

She nodded, slowly. "Right. I don't understand where this came from Stark." _But no matter how you got this stupid thought into your head I'm going to beat you for making us have this awkward conversation._

Finally, everyone returned, finished eating, and headed to their rooms to head down to the beach. As she was fixing to head to the elevator she noticed Tony and Steve talking. She faintly heard Tony say something about helping Steve with whatever plan he had to fix 'this'. Natasha almost wanted to laugh. _The dream team, right there._

For some reason, she couldn't wait to see how Tony and Steve were going to screw up this apology.


	5. Just Another Thought

It rained after breakfast that day and continued until about lunchtime on the fourth day of vacation. The time went by painfully slow. Steve and Sam spent most of their time in the gym. On the first rainy day, Steve saw Natasha come down to workout but she quickly left when she spotted them. He hadn't seen her since.

During those two days he couldn't help but feel a little lonely. He didn't realize how much time they usually spent together until she was gone. But it gave him a lot of time to think about her and about his feelings for her.

Steve couldn't help keep thinking about what Sam had said, that it was clear that Steve was attracted to her, that Sam could see it so why couldn't he.

But even with all that he still wasn't totally sure of how he felt about Natasha. He kept thinking about her, kept missing her, kept wishing she would let him talk to her...but that was just him wanting his **friend** back, right?

Steve sighed and decided to start heading up to his room to get ready to head down to the beach since the rain had stopped. Maybe some fresh salty sea air will clear my head a little. He'd been trapped in the beach house too long; it was giving him to much time to think about her.

When Steve exited the elevator he saw Natasha opening the door to her room. _Thinking of Natasha..._ He had the urge to go over and talk to her, to apologize like he tried to on the elevator two mornings ago.

"Natasha," he began walking toward her.

She hesitated a moment before turning around. "Cap," she said, coldly.

It stung him that she didn't address him as Steve. But at least she wasn't just totally ignoring him this time. "Nat, we need to talk."

"I'm sorry but I've got to go get ready," she said.

"For?" asked Steve.

She gave him a playful smirk. "Why so curious?"

"N-no reason," he stuttered.

"Alright then. If you'll excuse me," she said turning back to her door.

Steve quickly grabbed her arm and turned her around then let go before she had time to kill him for it.

"Natasha, please hear me out. I really want to apologize for what I said I-" She cut him off.

"Look, I not really in the mood to hear this alright. A simple 'I'm sorry' isn't going to fix this," she said.

"Then what will, Nat?" he asked, a little agitated.

"I don't know. Figure something out. Impress me by showing me how sorry you really are. Now goodbye." With that she entered her room.

Steve stood there for a moment, unsure what to do. He knew he was stupid for what he said and he was truly, **truly** sorry. Why couldn't she understand that? He tried to tell her a hundred times. But maybe Natasha was right; words wouldn't work. He had to **show** her instead of tell her. He needed to call in some help.

It took only about five seconds for Tony to arrive, dragging Bruce along with him. Sam also joined them and they headed into Sam's room, their new base of operations.

Steve and Tony were like ice and fire. They came from completely different times, worked in completely different ways, and never really could seem to be totally in sync with each other. But for this they would have to be.

Tony paced the floor like an army general telling the rest of the group his plan of attack for Operation Apology.

"Alright men so Romanoff said she wants Rogers to prove how sorry he is by **showing** her. So we're you going to have to go big. Bigger than any apology I've ever had to give a woman before. It's got to be flashy, it's got to be fun, and it's got to be romantic!" shouted Tony.

Steve froze on that last part. Romantic? He was here to fix his and Natasha's friendship; he was still trying to sort out any other feeling he had for her.

"Stark, what's this about 'romantic'?" asked Steve.

"Rogers look when dealing with women they love romantic stuff. The kisses, the chocolates, the make-up sex: its all stuff that women enjoy, yes, even women like Natasha, I'm sure."

"Wait a minute, Stark, I'm trying to patch up my friendship with Natasha; we aren't romantically involved."

"No, but you want to be don't you?" asked Tony.

"I-I..." Steve didn't know what to say. He'd be wrestling with the question since Washington but never really thought to much on it until now. With all this happening it kept seeming to come up.

"Look, Rogers, we all can see it. You two want each other so bad but for some reason you both keep denying it," began Tony. "They way you to look at each other is different than how you look at everyone else, even your girl Peggy. You look at Natasha like their isn't anything like her, like she's amazing just when she's standing beside you. And she looks at you like she can trust you, like she's so happy to have you because you also trust her. But there is also a spark of something else when she looks at you. It's not friendly like it is with Clint; it's something more passionate. You want to know why a simple 'I'm sorry' hasn't worked, Rogers? Why she didn't just let it go, like she seems to do a lot of times when people say shit about her? Because **you** of all people told her that somewhere within her she was still bad and that's what she's fought more than anything not to ever hear again, especially from one of the few people in world that she trust. So we are going out there to give her the best apology that she has ever seen."

The room was silent. No one would ever expect Tony Stark to be the voice of wisdom in any of this mess but here he was telling Steve how everything was.

 _Does she really look at me that way?_ He remembered her look at him in the bar. _"...Maybe"_ He could still feel her voice whispering to him.

Steve rubbed the bridge of his nose; he needed some more time to straighten all this out. "Stark, can we maybe...postpone this little show? I-I need to get a few things in order first."

Tony shook his head, "Sure, Rogers, take a day. We'll meet again to discuss this some more tomorrow."

"Thanks, Stark," he said running out the door.

However when he slammed the door open it collided with none other than Natasha.

"What the fuck?" she shouted as she stood up, holding onto her nose.

 _Oh damn._ "Sorry" began Steve reaching to help her. He noticed that she was wearing a tight, long sleeve swim shirt and swim short bottoms that touched her just above the knee. _So she was getting ready to head to the beach._

She shrugged him away. "I'm fine." But he watched the blood drip from between the fingers of the hand on her nose.

"Here let me help you. I've got some Tylenol in my room," he said.

She stared at him a moment, looking like she was about to refuse, but after a frustrated sigh she followed him into his room.

He told her to sit down on the bed and he went into the bathroom for the Tylenol and a washcloth to wipe the blood off.

When he came back in the room he saw her say her looking at his compass on his nightstand. "I guess I forgot to put it on me earlier," he began and she jumped. He was surprised; it was hard to sneak up on the Black Widow.

He held up the cloth and medicine and wordlessly she walked over to the edge of the bed. "Alright give it," she said reaching out for the supplies.

"No, I'll do it," he began. "Take a seat on the bed."

'I'm not a child; I can do this myself," she said.

"It's easier if someone helps you," he replied.

"Well I don't need help."

"Not needing help and not wanting help are different things and I say you need help. Besides why did you come in here if you didn't want my help?"

"I just needed some Tylenol," she said.

"Don't you have some?" he asked.

She frowned. "Whatever." With that she took a seat in the edge of the bed.

He sat down on his knees in front of her so they would be eye to eye.

He stared into her eyes and remembered what Stark had said about her looking at him with a different spark in her eyes. He kept searching for that spark until she got agitated with him. "What are you doing?" she asked.

Steve blushed a bit. "J-just making sure you didn't have a concussion. Nope your good."

"I would hope so since it mostly hit my nose," she said, her hands still holding it.

"Right," he said. He reached up take her hands away from her nose. Before he could even brush her skin with his she quickly pulled them down and folded them in her lap.

He noticed it was starting to swell but it didn't look bad enough for a doctor. So he took the rag and gently began wiping the blood away. As he glided it across her nose, their eyes met. At first her eyes seemed full of something he couldn't make out before it quickly turned to annoyance. "Why do you keep staring at me?"

"I'm not," he said.

"Yes, you are," she countered.

 _Can you blame me?_ He almost wanted to ask but bit his lip. Even with a swollen, bloody nose Natasha was something to see.

An awkward silence hung in the air. He hated it. Why did it feel like it was weeks ago since he felt normal around Natasha when really it had only been two days?

"Natasha," he began before she stopped him with a finger up to his mouth.

She leaned over toward him and for a moment he thought she was about to kiss him. She didn't however and a part of him almost felt disappointed.

Her red hair tickled his face, and her body was too close to him for comfort. Her breath was hot on his ear as she spoke. "You're still not forgiven yet," she whispered as she opened his hand and took the two Tylenol out of it.

With that she pushed away from him and headed out the door. He watched as she left and damn how he wished she hadn't.

Everything was getting too confusing around her too fast. But then again maybe it had always been like this a little. Like when they were on the escalator at the mall and she kissed him. She asked if it had made him uncomfortable and he said that that wasn't what he'd call it. He wanted to say it made him feel excited but he thought that would make things weird between them.

Or like when they were in Sam's room. He remembered how she looked at him as they talked, how relaxed, how connected they seemed.

Or when he'd push her against the hospital wall. It was the first time he'd really seen her surprised and he liked it.

Or when they were driving to the old S.H.E.I.L.D. base, when she'd been all flirty and joking with him about her being his first kiss in 70 years.  
Then when she asked him what he wanted her to be. And he'd said a friend.

Now though it was like he wanted her to maybe be a bit more. Maybe Tony was right. Maybe he didn't want to just repair his friendship. Maybe he wanted to make their relationship something more.

Steve stood up and walked over to pick up his compass. He stroked Peggy's picture with his thumb. _My girl..._ He stared at the phone by his bed. He picked it up and dialed.

Sharon answered. "Sharon Carter."

"Hey Sharon," he said.

"Oh hey Steve. Didn't expect you to be calling. I thought you were in vacation."

"I am but, uh, I was really needing to talk to her if she's, you know, here."

"Lucky for you she is. Today is a pretty good day. I'm glad. Here I'll put her on."

Steve waited a minute and then heard her voice. "Steve?" she asked.

"Yeah its me, Peggy," he said with a sad smile. He hated hearing how weak she sounded.

"Sharon said you were on vacation. Are you having fun?"

"Yeah," he said, thinking about Natasha, "its going...good."

"Steve I know when you lie. What's the matter?" she asked.

Steve hesitated before continuing. "Peggy...when everyone thought I died...you knew I wanted you to move on right?"

There was silence for a moment and he was afraid that she was about to forget everything. "Yes I did. That's why I married and went on in life...but you still carried a special place in my heart, Steve. You still do."

That made Steve smile a little. "Peggy...I want you to know that you will always have a special place in my heart too. You'll always be my girl. But I-"

She cut him off. "Steve, I hope you two will love each other like me and my husband did. I hope you get to dance many dances with her too. I want you to know I'm not mad because you've gotten a second chance. Actually I've been wondering when you would finally come to your senses."

They both laughed. "Thanks, Peggy. Speaking of dances, you know I still owe you one."

"Collect it from me after you've danced a bit with her. I can wait. I have for 70 years. Maybe she can't if you want to get her."

Steve thought about it. Peggy was right. He needed to patch things up with Natasha and the sooner the better. Certainly before this vacation was over.  
"Yeah, you're right Peggy. Thanks."

Just before he could hang up Peggy asked one more question. "Steve, forgive me for prying but might this be about that red headed agent that you told me about before? Romanoff."

"How did you know?" he asked, surprised.

"From the way you talk about her. Its different than how you talk about anyone else. And the look in your eyes when you do. Steve, I must say you that even in 70 years your taste in women didn't really change much. Always picking we tough agent women."

Steve smiled. Sam had said the same thing. "Well what better women are there? Besides you stuck to a soldier."

Peggy chuckled. "You got me there."

Steve smiled and knew Peggy was smiling too. "Good luck getting your girl," she said before hanging up the phone.

Steve gave a small smile. He had feelings for Natasha Romanoff and tomorrow he would try to go get his girl. But today, he was going to head to the beach.

When Steve got to the beach, he saw Fury and Maria at Tony's outdoor grilling area, getting the burgers ready for the lunch cookout, Pepper on the phone, and Clint, Tony, Sam, and Bruce resting by the cooler.

He was surprised that he didn't see Natasha down there yet. She should've been down there by now. She'd left before him. But maybe she decided not to come down with her nose.

"Natasha not come down yet?" he asked.

Clint answered. "Nope. Oh wait, no, here she comes."

Steve looked over and saw her heading down from the beach house. He noticed she had an ice pack in her hand.

Tony whistled as she approached. "Look at you, Romanoff. Though why not a bikini, hmm?"

She smirked. "Only in your dreams, Stark."

"When did we get a mind reader on the team?" he asked.

"Tony!" shouted Pepper.

Everyone laughed as Tony apologized to Pepper.

Steve noticed Natasha talking to Clint and then she glared at him. _I guess they're talking about her nose_. Steve ducked away and headed to the ocean to swim for a bit before Fury and Maria finished cooking.

As he swam he thoughts of Natasha kept clouding his mind. He couldn't stop thinking about it; he finally admitted to himself that he had feelings for her.

But then another thought came into his head. What if she didn't feel the same about him? Sure people like Tony and Sam said that Natasha seemed to like him but that wasn't the feeling he was getting lately, though maybe that was just because she was mad. Maybe when he apologized and told her how he felt, she'd tell him she felt the same.

Bur what if she didn't? What if she just wanted to be friends with him? Would he screw it all up telling her?

Then again what if she didn't even accept his apology? Surely though she would. But she had been ignoring him for two days and didn't seem to thrilled to talk to him this morning. And he did screw up royally with what he said.

He remembered what Tony said. _You of all people told her that somewhere within her she was still bad and that's what she's fought more than anything not to ever hear again._

He sighed as he swam back to shore. Why were relationships so complicated?

About the time that Steve got back to the shore, Fury yelled that lunch was ready.

Everyone grabbed a nice warm burger and sat down on the soft sand to eat.

"Mmm, this is a tasty burger," said Stark.

"Stole my line, Stark," said Fury, "But they are good if I do say so myself."

Everyone nodded in agreement.

"Maybe we can have Hulk smash us a watermelon. Huh, Bruce?" asked Tony.

"Tony, I'm not sure that's a good idea," replied Bruce.

"Come on Bruce," began Tony, "I have faith in your control. And if you get out of hand I've got just the suit to fix it."

"I don't think your little suits could keep the other guy down," said Bruce, standing and heading over to the watermelons.

"This isn't really a small suit. I think it could really bust the Hulk."

"Alright Tony if you say so," began Bruce, taking a deep breath. "Ok here goes."

"Remember don't necessarily smash them but just give them a good strong tap so they break into equal pieces. Like Suikawari."

"Like what?" asked Sam.

"Suikawari. Its a Japanese game where they have to split open a watermelon with a stick, similar to breaking a piñata," replied Tony, "It's usually pla-"

The shout of "Hulk smash watermelon!" cut him off and about the time Tony turned around to tell Bruce to be gentle a piece of watermelon splattered onto the side of Tony's face.

"Well there goes dessert," said Clint, trying to hold in a laugh. But he couldn't stop it and then everyone was joining in on the laughing.

Bruce returned from his Hulk form and looked at the smashed watermelon and Tony's face. He couldn't help but laugh too. "Sorry, Tony, but I did warn you. Do you really think of the other guy was going to be gentle?"

"See if I'm gentle when I get a hold of you!" said Tony, wiping watermelon off his face. He then jumped up and started chasing Bruce down the beach. More laughter erupted from the group and Steve was glad for the humor. His mind had been racing all day and so the laughter and fun felt nice.

Tomorrow may or may not feel as nice.


	6. Just Another Sound

Natasha didn't like the rain, which wasn't a good thing because it'd been raining for almost two days. The dark skies only made her think of her days in Russia when it was nothing but snow or clouds. It made her think of how grey and dull the sky had been that last day with Irina. It made her think of bad things so it was really not helping her already somewhat depressing vacation get any better.

On the first day it rained she had decided to go down to the gym to get in a nice workout but when she spotted Steve down there she quickly left. She hadn't said anything to him since they had talked with Tony at breakfast and didn't really want to be around him. She knew he would try to apologize like he did when they were in the elevator and she still wasn't sure she was ready to hear it. Maybe she was holding to big a grudge about it but anytime she thought about it it she would switch between feeling upset about it to feeling angry.

 _Gosh I need to head down to the beach for a nice swim or something._ She hadn't been to the beach since they'd got there. She quickly finished her breakfast and headed back up to her room.

Just as she arrived at her door, she her the elevator ding behind her. _Oh god._ Only three people were on the floor. So it had to be Sam or...

"Natasha," Steve called out to her.

She hesitated a moment; her hand was on the doorknob. It would be simple just to walk in and pretend like she didn't hear him. But she was the Black Widow for goodness sake; he'd **know** she'd hear him call her name.

Finally, she turned around to face him. Looking at him, she finally realized how long two days was for the two of them not to see or speak to each other. She suddenly felt lonely, not that she would show it of course. "Cap," she coldly addressed him.

She could see it stung him a bit but he quickly regained himself. "Nat we need to talk."

 _No we don't, you've said plenty._ She wanted to voice the thought but refrained. "I'm sorry but I've got to go get ready," she said.

"For?" asked Steve.

She gave him a playful smirk. It was interesting that he cared so much. "Why so curious?" she asked.

"N-no reason," he stuttered.

She grinned; it was fun watching him squirm a bit. "Alright then. If you'll excuse me," she said turning back to her door.

Suddenly she felt Steve grab her arm. He turned her around to face him and she was so close to breaking his arm before he quickly let her go.

"Natasha, please hear me out. I really want to apologize for what I said I-" She cut him off.

"Look, I not really in the mood to hear this alright. A simple 'I'm sorry' isn't going to fix this," she said.

"Then what will, Nat?" he asked, a little agitated.

 _What will? Hmmm..._ She really didn't know what to say. What would fix it? She was to mad at the moment to really give him an answer. She gave an exasperated sigh. "I don't know. Figure something out. Impress me by showing me how sorry you really are. Now goodbye." With that she entered her room, leaving him standing there.

The second she entered she fell against the door and let out a groan as she slid to the floor. What did that even mean? **Show** her how sorry he was? Why did she say that? Maybe it was because she was tired of hearing words. Words never really meant anything. 'I'm sorry', 'It'll be ok', 'I love you', the list went on and on. The most common things people say were also the most common things they never really meant.

That made Natasha think about Sao Paulo...about Alexi Shostakov, the pilot and agent who came with her on that trip. Shostakov was older than her, mysterious but charming, the guy all the women agents wanted. Natasha was only 19 at the time she was assigned on a mission with him, barely a woman grown but more skilled than many of the older agents in both fighting and 'other' skill sets. Needless to say she didn't make any female friends that week.

Her and Shostakov were to travel to Sao Paulo where a CIA agent who had stolen KGB secrets was said to have gone to wait for someone else to hand them over to. They didn't want him to just head back to the US immediately because they had gotten wind that KGB agents were on the flight that he was supposed to have been on before. What better place to lay low than the most populated city in southern hemisphere?

The mission was easy. The agent would be there for a week; Natasha and Shostakov were to watch his routine and then Natasha was supposed to meet with him, get up to his room, and get the file using what means necessary. During that time Shostakov began to take an interest in Natasha, even told her he wanted her, but she didn't want to mess up the mission, even if she had to admit she was attracted to him. He would whisper sweet nothings in her ears during stakeouts, kiss her anytime they needed to not be seen; he was the one who taught her that public displays of affections made people uncomfortable and that was the best way to get them to look away. And though she knew better, she found herself believing everything he told her, which wouldn't end up good for her.

Natasha vividly remembered the final night of their mission. She had seduced, and then killed, the CIA agent and retrieved the files. When she returned to her and Shostakov's hotel room, he told her they would celebrate by making love. Natasha remembered how her heart raced, how she almost fainted when he whispered 'I love you' in her ear as he undressed her. She remembered how her hands fumbled embarrassingly as she undressed him. She felt like a stupid teenager girl when she was around him but for some reason that made her happy. It made her feel...human, something she felt she was losing in her career. She hadn't had any problems with her nerves around other men but she knew that those men didn't truly love her. Now she felt she was with a man who loved her as a person not an object.

Then it happened. She remembered lying on the bed as he kissed her neck and rubbed her legs, enjoying every feeling. Then suddenly the feelings went from pleasure to pain as Shostakov stabbed her in the thigh. She looked at him, confused as he pulled the knife out, causing her to scream. He tried to stab her again before she rolled out from under him and onto the floor.

She remembered asking him what was going on and why he was doing this. He quickly explained to her that he had double crossed the KGB; he was going to take the secrets and sell them to the Americans for more money than the KGB would give them for bringing it back.

Natasha didn't know why she did but she asked if he really loved her. He held the knife up again and asked "What do you think?". It was that moment that she grabbed her dress and the files and ran out the door as fast as she could, which wasn't fast at all as she pretty much had to drag her right leg behind her, paining shooting up it with every step.

Shostakov was a big man, fast but nowhere near as fast as her and though he had taught her a few things about hiding she was better at it than he was so she knew she could stay hidden from him as she waited for some backup to arrive. She had called her superiors after knowing she had gotten away from Shostakov and told them all about him. When they learned she still has the files though they told her they'd be there soon.

Natasha remembered hiding in a buffet dumpster for a night before getting the call from her backup that they were there and she was safe. The only time she had been so afraid for her life since then was when she was hiding from the Hulk on the helicarrier. Some of them transported her back to Russia as the other part stayed behind to look for Shostakov. They didn't find him then though a few years later the jet of the US ambassador to Russia was shot down over Russian airspace and one of his bodyguards that died in the crash was Andrey Salko, who bared a similar resemblance and initials to Alexi Shostakov, though no one ever confirmed for denied if it was him.

After telling the higher ups her story, Natasha remembered coming back out and hearing people, mostly women, whispering 'whore' and 'cunt' as she walked past. Natasha had just shrugged them off. "Words are just sounds," she had whispered to herself back then.

 _Words are just sounds._ But if that was what she thought then why couldn't she just let what Steve said go? She sighed as she leaned her head against the door and stared up at the ceiling. Ok so many not _all_ words were just sounds. And if they were then Steve's 'Because Peggy was always good' was like the explosion of Krakatoa. It was so loud it it hurt.

She sighed and rubbed her face. It'd been two days and she hadn't talked to about this. Lately when she had problems she would call up Steve and talk about it. He was always a good listener. Before though she shared everything, well mostly everything, with Clint. It wasn't that her and Clint were falling away from each other, they still talked and went out sometimes. It was just that lately they didn't seem as close because they were separated. Natasha had been in D.C. after the Loki incident and after D.C. she'd just been traveling all over making a new cover. Clint had traveled to the West Coast after New York and he was enjoying it there; it's where he met Bobbi, his new girlfriend, and it's where he'd been training, working, just enjoying life.

 _I should go get dressed and find Clint. Maybe he's at the beach._ So she stood up and quickly went to go change. She had packed swimsuits that would cover the majority of her scars but she still didn't feel totally comfortable in one. A scar might show and someone might ask and Natasha would have lie to those she trusted most or admit to worse things than what she had ever told anyone.

She shook the thought away. That was so unlikely to happen but the whole 'what if' still bother her. She really needed to get to the beach before she had more time to dwell on these depressing things. She quickly chose a tight, long sleeve swim shirt and swim short bottoms that touched her just above the knee and headed out the door.

As she headed toward the elevator she saw Steve's door and stood in front of it for a moment. She didn't know why but it's like her feet just stopped moving in front of it. She almost wanted to knock on the door just so he'd come and open it. I mean she hadn't seen him in two days, aside from that brief encounter this morning. She suddenly felt lonely again. She groaned. These feelings were really beginning to piss her off.

She continued walking toward the elevator when she pasted Sam's door and WHAM!

The door met her face with such a force that she stumbled to the ground. "What the fuck?" she shouted as she stood up, holding onto her nose.

She was thinking about all the ways she was going to rip out each one of the Falcon's talons when suddenly she heard the last voice she wanted to hear. "Sorry" began Steve reaching to help her.

She shrugged him away. "I'm fine." But her nose bloody and throbbing and she knew it was going to swell. Not to mention it hurt like bitch. Sure Natasha had done worse that broke her nose but at least then she was expecting something to probably happen. The worse kind of pain was that which you were not expecting.

"Here let me help you. I've got some Tylenol in my room," he said.

She stared at him a moment, about to refuse. On one hand she **did** kinda want to see him today but on the other hand she **didn't**. Why was fate being so cruel and throwing them together so much? _Just get it over with._ Finally, she gave a frustrated sigh she followed him into his room.

He told her to sit down on the bed as he went into the bathroom for the Tylenol and a washcloth to wipe the blood off.

She sat there looking around his room. Everything was pretty much in as perfect condition as it had been since the day they arrived. It could certainly pass a military inspection. She noticed that his suitcase was sitting beside the door, as if he had to be ready to leave at a moments notice. That might also explain why there was nothing hanging in his open closet and she was sure if she opened the drawers they would be empty too. Something just couldn't leave a person. She knew the feeling sometimes. There used to be times that she had to stakeout a place, like a cafe or a bookstore, simple normal places, and learn everyone who went in and out of it before she could go in herself. It was just something she felt she had to do to feel safe.

She then noticed something shimmering on his nightstand and scooted over to see what it was. It looked like a pocket watch. She wiped the blood off one of her hands, the other still holding her nose, and popped it open. It was then she noticed it was a compass and inside was a picture of the woman they had seen at the old S.H.E.I.L.D. base. _Peggy Carter, Strategic Scientific Reserve officer, S.H.E.I.L.D. co-founder, and Steve Roger's best girl._ Natasha stared at the picture. She certainly was a beautiful women and something about her look in the picture could tell you she was a strong one too. _She's also the 'always good' one_.

Natasha was surprised at how much bitterness was in the thought. She wasn't jealous of this woman, really, she wasn't. But when she thought of how many times she'd seen him longingly stare at the photo as they traveled on mission and such and some jealousy rose within her. It's almost like she wanted him to look at **her** like that.

Wait a minute...why would she want that? It wasn't like she **loved** Steve, right? _No! Love is childish. Love is childish. Love is-_

"I guess I forgot to put it on me earlier." The sound of his voice made her jump. She turned toward him and he looked surprised. _Don't think you can sneak up on me again, Cap._ He held up his supplies and she slowly set the compass back on the nightstand and silently walked over to the edge of the bed. "Alright give it," she said reaching out for the supplies with one hand.

"No, I'll do it," he began. "Take a seat on the bed."

'I'm not a child; I can do this myself," she said. _I need to get out of here._

"It's easier if someone helps you," he replied.

"Well I don't need help," she countered. _I don't want you close to my face._

"Not needing help and not wanting help are different things and I say you need help. Besides why did you come in here if you didn't want my help?"

"I just needed some Tylenol," she said. _I just wanted to see you._

"Don't you have some?" he asked.

Well she had no way to reply to that. She frowned. "Whatever." With that she took a seat in the edge of the bed.

He sat down on his knees in front of her so they were eye to eye. She noticed that he kept staring deep into her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

She noticed a blush rise to his cheek. "J-just making sure you didn't have a concussion. Nope your good."

 _You're a horrible liar, Steven Rogers._ "I would hope so since it mostly hit my nose," she said, her hands still holding it.

"Right," he said. He reached up take her hands away from her nose. Before he could even brush her skin with his she quickly pulled them down and folded them in her lap.

She watched as he looked at it and she knew it was swollen pretty good but it wasn't hospital bad. So he took the rag and gently began wiping the blood away. As he glided it across her nose, their eyes met. She looked into them and realized she hadn't really looked into them so deeply since they kissed on the escalators. Then they were filled with shock; now they were searching for something in hers. She felt her nose throb again and she was annoyed, with him and herself. She came in here to fix her broken nose not assess her feelings. "Why do you keep staring at me?" she asked.

"I'm not," he said.

"Yes, you are," she countered.

He acted like he was about to say something else but he bit his lip.

An awkward silence hung in the air. _Ugh! Is he as uncomfortable as he's make me feel lately? I-I just need to leave._ That's when an idea popped in her head. If she was going to leave she was going to make him squirm when she did.

"Natasha," he began but she stopped him putting a finger up to his mouth.

She leaned over toward him and could tell by the look in his eyes he was uncomfortable. Good.

Her red hair tickled his face, and her body was too close to him for comfort. Her breath was hot on his ear as she spoke. "You're still not forgiven yet," she whispered as she opened his hand and took the two Tylenol out of it.

When she left he was watching he walk away, confused. It was just the reaction she wanted.

She popped the two Tylenol in her mouth an decided to make a detour in the kitchen to get an ice pack.

When she arrived in the kitchen she saw Maria in the kitchen, preparing the burgers. "Hey," said Natasha as she walked in.

"Hey," replied Maria. When she saw Natasha's nose she asked what happened.

"Steve accidentally slammed the door in my face. Broke my nose."

"Geez he used that much force to open a door."

"Well I'm sure he couldn't help it, though it was enough to knock me to the floor," she said as she opened the freezer door and pulled out an ice pack and placed it on her nose.

"You two seem to be pretty close as of late," began Maria as she continued patting out burgers.

Natasha took a seat at the counter. "What do you mean?"

"I don't mean anything. I'm just making an observation. You too hang out a lot, more so since DC. Plus when we got here he was worried when you wouldn't come down. He went to check on you and didn't come back. We all assumed you both got lost in conversation or something." _Lost in conversation, more like lost in the bottom of a bottle._

Maria continued, "But you know lately I haven't seen you two around each other."

Natasha waited for her to say something else but she didn't. She didn't even as why, maybe she could already tell they were mad at each other. _Hill you are more perspective than any of us realize._

Maria finished her burgers and picked up the platter. "Romanoff...whatever Captain Rogers did I'm sure he's sorry for it." Then she walked out the door to the grilling area.

Natasha sat there a moment. Of course Steve was sorry, it wasn't in his nature not to be. Was she being a bitch for not just listening to him? But it's like she said. She was tired of **words**. Actions spoke louder.

 _I just need to get to the beach._ Some mind-numbing sun and sand would be good for her. She was already getting a headache and it was only lunch.

As she approached, she heard someone whistle. _Tony_. "Look at you, Romanoff. Though why not a bikini, hmm?" he asked.

She smirked. "Only in your dreams, Stark."

"When did we get a mind reader on the team?" he asked.

"Tony!" shouted Pepper and everyone erupted into laughter.

As everyone broke apart Natasha headed over to Clint. "Hey, Nat! What happened to your nose?"

Natasha glared over at Steve who quickly looked at her and then ducked away. "Steve and a door," she replied.

"Geez, Cap sure opens doors pretty hard," laughed Clint. "So I haven't seen much of you lately, Nat. I thought you'd be down in the gym some when it rained. Guess you just needed to relax?"

 _I was nowhere near relaxing. My minds been racing like a freight train._ "...Clint I need to talk to you about something. Can we sit?"

"Sure, Nat." They took a seat under of the beach umbrellas. Clint laid down on the sand staring up at the sky as Natasha sat with her knees to her chest, watching the ocean waves rolls.

"So what's up?" he asked.

"Steve," she said.

"Steve? What about Steve?" he asked, curious.

"Steve and I...we had a fight."

"About what?"

Natasha then went into explaining that night and the following morning and what Steve had said and how she'd been ignoring him and how she didn't want to forgive him but she did and she was confused and about her encounter with him this morning and when she was done she didn't know whether to feel upset or pissed off.

She felt Clint rubbing her back like she was a child. It was a gesture she hadn't felt since her mother had did it so long ago it felt like a different life. "Nat, look, I...don't exactly know what to tell you to do. But I can tell you this. Cap is the kinda guy who's not going to give up just yet. You told him to show you and I'm sure he'll take you up on that challenge." He paused for a minute. "You know I think he kinda, you know, **likes** you."

"What?!" She was surprised. Why would Clint think that?

"Oh don't sound so surprised, Nat. Surely you noticed it," he said raising up.

 _Can't say that I got that feeling from Steve._ It had always felt like he just liked them as friends.

Clint continued. "Come on, you _haven't_ noticed? Gosh the way he looks at you, Nat. And the look you give him, I almost feel jealous."

"I don't give him any looks," she said.

"Natasha you look at him with a fire in his eyes like I haven't seen. You didn't even look at me like that in Budapest and trust me there was quite a bit of fire in your eyes then," he said, nostalgic.

Natasha remembered (most) of Budapest. She knew Clint was probably reminiscing about the day, when in a storm of bullets, they'd admitted they loved each other. It was a really emotional heated moment and here Clint was saying she looked at Steve with more emotion than that. _Do I really?_

"You really don't notice it, do you?" he asked surprised, "Gosh, I can't believe the great Black Widow doesn't even notice how she looks at someone or probably how he looks at you for that matter."

"Oh how does he look at me?" she asked.

Clint smiled, softly. "Kinda how I used to look at you: like you're more amazing than any girl on earth."

Natasha couldn't help but blush a little as she playfully punched him. "Watch what you say or I'll have to call your girlfriend."

Clint just laughed. "I said 'used to'...but seriously Nat, the two of you look at each other like two people in love but neither of you will face it. Gosh you'd think I'd have to throw you two into the heat of a battle for you to tell him you like him, worked for us."

 _The two of us in love? Ha fucking ha. That ship's sunk now._ She looked over at him as he swam in the ocean. _But maybe..._ That night in the bar she had looked at him and said the same thing 'Maybe..." Maybe she was interested in someone and maybe that person happened to be Steve Rogers. Maybe that's why it all hurt so much, maybe that's why she couldn't let it go. She wasn't just hurt by a friend, a co-worker, maybe she was hurt my the man she may be in love with.

 **If** she was in love with him, which she never said she was, then how long had she been in love with him? Since D.C.? Since New York even? She thought about trying to hook him up with other girls. Had she done that so she wouldn't have to face the fact that maybe she was in love with him then? She thought about when she had to leave. How she told him to go after Sharon. She was hesitant to do it but she did, even though deep down it almost pained her. Then she kissed him goodbye and she almost felt a bit emptier with each step she took away from him.

Great, she had come to Clint hoping to leave with a clear mind and now she was more confused.

Thank goodness Fury yelled that lunch was ready. Hanging out and eating burgers would help her get out of her head if only for a moment.

Everyone grabbed a nice warm burger and sat down on the soft sand to eat.

Tony asked Bruce to Hulk out and break them a watermelon into pieces. Though Bruce protested Tony finally got him to do it, though it ended up in a smushed watermelons, not only on the table but also Tony's face, and the two of them chasing each other around the beach. Natasha laughed along with everyone else.

Laughing was just the sound she needed to block out the thoughts racing in her head.


	7. Just Another Decision

Two days had fully passed since the beach cookout, meaning it was now the morning of day 7 of the 10 day vacation, and thus it had been 5 days since Steve and Natasha's fight. Steve woke that morning with his head swimming, as it had so much over this vacation, yet he was in a surprising good mood. Today was the day Operation Apology would take place. Today was the day Natasha would (hopefully) forgive him and they could get back to normal.

The boys had gotten together over those two days and had slowly worked up the plan for Operation Apology. They had decided the best way for Steve to show he was sorry was to show Natasha he wanted things to return to normal and what better way to show her that than by acting like things were normal again. Of course Natasha probably would try to avoid him if he starting doing this so that's where the other guys came in. It would be up to them to keep pushing Steve and Natasha together.

The Operation would start out at eight with breakfast where the two of them would be strategically seated together, then when everyone headed to the beach the two of them would be told to go get the 'forgotten' coolers from the bar downstairs, then before the sun began to set before dinner Tony would tell the two of them to head down to the storage shack a little ways down the beach to get some fireworks to shoot off. During all these events Steve would be helpful and sweet and try as hard as he could to make everything seem normal. Of course Tony said that any plan he was involved in also had to have something big and so he decided that one of the fireworks would blow up into the words 'I'm so sorry' and Steve should set it off when it was just the two of them by the shack and that would be when Steve would really get to tell her he was sorry...and maybe even tell her how he felt.

Steve had been tossing the idea around in his head of whether or not to tell her his feelings. It kept going back to the whole what if she didn't feel the same way. Obviously he first wanted her to forgive him, but if/when she did would it be too much to suddenly proclaim his feelings for her? I mean even if she did forgive him it'd probably still be kinda weird between them for a bit and did he really want to make it weirder by admitting he had feelings for her? He rubbed his head as he thought about it. Maybe he'd just wait for the moment to come and if it felt right he would and if not he wouldn't.

Of course for the moment to come the Operation had to begin. So he quickly hopped out of bed and got dressed for the day. As he headed over to the nightstand to grab a few of his things he noticed his compass. He picked it up, sat on his bed, and ran his finger over it. It had been with him through so much. He then popped it open and stared at Peggy's faded picture. When you thought about it it was almost like _she_ had been with him through so much, right by his side. He smiled at the thought. He remembered Peggy's words of encouragement to go after Natasha. He closed the compass and it it in his pocket. He wanted to have her by his side for this too, so he could remember that she wanted him to embrace his second chance and go after his girl.

Suddenly J.A.R.V.I.S.'s voice came over the intercom announcing that breakfast was ready. _Here we go._ So he headed headed out the door toward the elevator and noticed Sam and Natasha coming out as well.

"Good morning, you two!" shouted Sam.

"Good morning, Sam," said Steve and Natasha at the same time. They looked over at each other for a minute and then started walking toward the elevator. Sam hopped on as well and the three of them began riding down to the dining room. As they waited to reach the 1st floor, Steve couldn't help but keep looking over at Natasha. He noticed that in the two days her nose's swelling was pretty much completely gone but their was still a blue bruise.

Suddenly she got his gaze and snapped her head at him, frowning. He quickly turned away and about that time the elevator reached the floor.

The second the doors open, Sam quickly burst out the door to make sure he got his correct spot at the table so Steve and Natasha would sit together. Natasha seemed surprised at Sam's sudden sprint out the door and she then gave Steve a suspicious, 'what are you guys up to?' look. Steve just smiled at her and held out his arm. "After you, Natasha."

With her look never leaving, she stepped out of the elevator and made her way to the dining room, Steve right behind. When they entered Steve noticed that everyone had been placed in the right seats, leaving the only ones left two right next to each other, with Clint on one end and Bruce on the other.

Natasha could tell something was up though. She walked over to Clint and asked "Hey Clint would you care to scoot over a seat, I'd really like to sit by the air conditioner behind you."

"Sure, Nat," said Clint as he began getting out of his chair.

"Wait Arrows," began Tony, "I think Bruce should sit there."

"And why is that Stark?" asked Natasha.

"Because I don't want you sitting by me."

"Tony!" shouted Pepper, "That's rude."

"No, it's not. It's my house, my table, my chairs and I have all the right to decided who sits by me."

"Well, how about I just pull a chair down to the far end of the table?" asked Natasha.

"Because my chairs stay were they are," said Tony.

"Look guys it's just a chair. Really I'll move wherever," said Clint.

"No!" began Tony, "Stay where you are. Natasha just needs to take her seat by Bruce and Rogers."

"Why can't I just move the chair, Stark?"

"Because I said!"

A uncomfortable silence feel over the room as Tony and Natasha stared each other down. _This is starting off badly._

"Ok fine Stark. I'll just grab a snack and head to the beach," said Natasha heading into the kitchen.

"Today's supposed to be a group breakfast!" shouted Tony.

"Tony," began Pepper, "is something wrong? You're being so weird this morning."

Tony glanced over at Steve then returned to Pepper. "I just don't appreciate that I have to have a good team-building breakfast and some people won't cooperate."

"Stark, we have breakfast together every morning why is it suddenly a team building exercise?" asked Clint.

"I don't think you two arguing and you not compromising was very 'team building'," said Maria.

"Well see," began Tony, "we have found a flaw that needs to be worked on."

"Ok, sweetie well why don't we just eat breakfast for now?" said Pepper as Tony's suits came out with the breakfast.

Tony looked over at Steve and shrugged as Steve sighed. Operation Apology wasn't going to be easy.

After breakfast the team headed out to the beach where Steve say Natasha already sitting in a beach chair, her apple core and water bottle in the sand beside her.

As everyone else went about their business Steve, Tony, Bruce, and Sam all went aside to discuss their not so successful start.

"Ok so this is going to be WAY harder than we thought," began Tony.

"Yeah," said Sam, "I'm sorry Steve but she's a pretty stubborn girl."

"Plus I think she's already got us figured out," said Bruce.

Steve sighed. "I think so too...maybe this was all a bad idea."

"Whoa slow down Rogers," began Tony, "Tony Stark has no bad ideas. We just need to continue and see where it goes. Now time for Phase 2."

Tony started over to Natasha and motioned for Steve to follow. When they arrived in front of her she pushed down her sunglasses to glare at them but immediately pushed them back up as they'd hit her bruised spot.

"You're in my sun, Stark," she said.

"Doesn't matter because you're needed," said Tony.

"For?" she asked.

"I want you to go help Steve get the coolers from the bar. We forgot them."

Natasha looked over at Steve then readjusted herself. "Have someone else help," she said lazily, "I'm resting."

"I'll he-," began Clint, before Tony quickly cut him off.

"No, no, no. This is Romanoff's job," said Tony.

Natasha raised up to glare at him again. "Stark, Cap is a super human. Surely he can lift two coolers without my help."

Tony opened his mouth to protest but didn't have an answer.

"Natasha's right, Tony," began Pepper.

"Pepper please stay out of this," began Tony.

"No," began Pepper raising up from her seat. "Tony it almost seems like you're picking on Natasha. Making her do these stupid things."

"Oh so now I'm being a bully to the Black Widow?" asked Tony.

Everyone could now feel the tension between Tony and Pepper so Steve quickly spoke up. "It's really not a problem; I am get it myself."

Tony looked over at him and then down at Natasha who had a smirk on her face. "Ok," was all he said.

So Steve headed down to the bar to get the coolers. When he got down there he took a moment and sat at the bar to think. Operation Apology has failed twice and he really didn't know if the third time would be the charm. Hopefully it would though because it was the most important. Steve didn't know if he was ready for it. He'd thought he kind of knew what to say but after the failure of the first two phases any confidence he has mustered up had vanished.

He sighed as he put his head in his hands. _Today is not my day._ He then raised up and looked around the bar. _And it all began because I suggested we come down here for a drink._ Steve thought back to the first night; it seemed like forever ago. He wondered how this vacation would've went had he not even bothered to go check on her that evening.

Every decision one made always had it's ups and downs, no matter how big or small. Like a decision so big as when when Steve decided to be Captain America or even something so small as when he decided to visit Natasha that night. But looking at it would he really have done any of those things a different way?

If he hadn't become Captain America he might have had a normal life, maybe one day found a girl to marry, have a few kids, and died peacefully one day. But if he hadn't would H.Y.D.R.A. have been stopped, S.H.E.I.L.D. founded, so many heroes made and lives saved?

If he hadn't visited Natasha that evening, then maybe their vacation would've been more normal, perhaps more fun. Everyone would go on as they normally would've, just like any other time the group met up. Natasha wouldn't be mad at him over anything. But then again if he hadn't would he ever have truly figured out how he felt about Natasha or that Peggy wanted him to embrace his second chance? Probably not.

So Steve got up and grabbed the coolers and headed back to the beach.

After a lunch, a swim, and a volleyball game, the time for Phase 3 had come.

Steve saw Tony motion for him and he headed over to him. "Ready, Rogers?" he asked.

Steve took and deep breath and looked over at Natasha in her chair. "I guess...but what if Natasha refuses or makes up an excuse again?"

"No worries, Rogers," began Tony, "I've already took care of that. Fury and Hill are cooking, Bruce is resting, Wilson and Clint are doing a bit of racing in the air, and I'm about to join Pepper for a drink. That leaves you and Natasha to get the fireworks."

"Won't she just make the same excuse that I can get them myself?" he asked.

"Nope because I'm sure she won't want you to carry the 3 boxes of fireworks and fire extinguisher. That'd be a balancing act to see. Now come one let's get started."

So they headed over to Natasha who was sitting in the sand watching the waves and the setting sun. "What do you two want now?" she said as they approached but she didn't even look over at them.

"You've got to help Steve get a few things from the shed down the beach," said Tony.

"Why doesn't-"

"Everyone's busy and it's a bit of an awkward load for one guy to carry. Come on Romanoff, help us all out a little. Everyone's looking forward to this fireworks show."

Natasha glanced over at Steve who gave her a soft smile. She sighed and rose up, irritated. "Let's go then," she said as she walked past Tony and Steve giving Tony a glare. Steve followed behind her.

As they walked down the beach an awkward silence hang over them all the way to the shed. No one said a word; Natasha only kept looking over at the ocean and Steve just kept looking at his feet.

When they arrived at the shed they both stopped at the door, unmoving. They both turned to look at the other and when their eyes met their stood in silence a moment longer. "After you," began Steve but Natasha cut him off.

"Ok stop, Cap" she asked, crossing her arms. "Whatever you and Tony have been up to today stop. This is whole of trying to throw us together, stop it. If I wanted to be around you I would."

"No you wouldn't," whispered Steve, mainly to himself but she heard.

"Oh excuse me?" she said, "What was that?"

Steve got flustered for a moment that she heard him. But he shook it off and looked her straight in the eyes. "You heard me. Even if you wanted to be around me now you wouldn't."

"And why is that?" she asked.

"Because you're stubborn," he began.

"Oh I'm the stubborn one? You're the one who won't give up and leave me alone." she said.

"I'm trying to be around you to show you I'm sorry," he said, his voice still relatively cal.

"Well it's not really working," she began.

"Only because you won't let it!" he shouted and before she could refute him, Steve started again. "Natasha I've tried to tell you I'm sorry but you wanted me to show you! So I decided I would and I asked for Stark and Sam and Bruce's help to do it! And I tried to be close to you today to show you how I wanted us to be normal again but you wouldn't let me. But you know what Natasha it doesn't matter! I won't give up trying to get you're forgiveness! If it takes me trying thirty different ways to show you I'm sorry then I'll do it thirty different times!"

He took a breath and then his voice regained a normal tone. "Natasha...Natasha you mean a lot to me and you've become a big part of my life. I mean it's only be 5 days since our fight but it feels like 5 months and I'm to the point I can't take it. I miss having breakfast with you, working out with you, just being with you for a little bit of my day. I know what I said was hurtful and I know it'll take a lot for you to forgive me but I'll do whatever it takes to have you back in my life, Nat. So I'm sorry."

They stood there staring at each other for a moment before Natasha smiled softly. "You're the stubborn one...Steve."

He smiled as she said his name. She continued, "...I don't think anyone's ever put so much effort into wanting me in their life." She sighed as she leaned against the shed. Steve joined her.

"So is everything ok with us?" asked Steve.

She looked over at him and smiled softly. "Sure...Steve I'm sorry; you probably think I'm a bitch."

Steve shook his head. "Not at all. I think you're just human."

"Even worse," she said and they both laughed a little. "Let's just get these fireworks and head back."

So they got up and headed into the shed. Steve grabbed the fireworks and Natasha grabbed the extinguisher. Before she could head out the door though he grabbed her wrist. She turned to look at him. "Something wrong Steve?"

He took a deep breath. It was now or never to tell her. "Natasha...I...I spent a lot of time thinking about you lately and I...well I think I love you."

He smiled at her but her reaction wasn't what he expected or wanted.

At first she just stood there for a second, hesitant on what she was going to say. Finally after a minute she pulled her arm out of his grasp. "Steve, I can't," she began.

He looked at her in surprise. "Can't what?"

"I can't be in a relationship, Steve. Not romantically."

"...Is it because you don't feel the same?" he asked.

"...Steve there's a lot you don't know about me...and if you did you wouldn't be saying that you love me...I can assure you."

"But I want to know if you'll let me. Natasha really you don't have to hide all these things. They won't change how I feel, I promise."

"No Steve, you can't make that promise!" she shouted with a force that made Steve jump in surprise.

Natasha continued, "Steve I've done some things...some things that I'm not sure you'll understand why I did them."

"Natasha-" he began but she cut him off.

"I'm sorry Steve...but love is for children, you know." Steve thought he saw hurt in her eyes but she turned around and walked off too fast for him to really know. He was left standing there alone, a box of fireworks in arms and a sad look on his face. _I shouldn't have told her. It wasn't the right time, everything was fixed._

Steve felt like punching a wall in frustration but decided just to head back. When he got back he dropped off the fireworks but quickly left. Sam tried asking him what happened but he shrugged him off and said he was just tired.

When Steve returned to his room and fell onto his bed, depressed. _Could this day get any worse?_ That's when he rolled on his side and noticed that his message light was flashing on his phone. He quickly sat up and pressed play.

Sharon's voice came over the machine; you could hear her crying as she spoke. "St-Steve, it's me Sharon. I-I really didn't want to leave this on your message but-but I'm going to be busy with some preparations later so I didn't know if I'd be able to talk to you any other time..."

There was silence for a moment and Steve could hear his heart pounding in his chest and tears welling up in his eyes. He already could tell where this was going but he didn't want to believe it. _Please don't let it be...please don't let it be..._

Suddenly, Sharon's voice returned. "Whew, ok, so I-I guess I'm just going to have to say it...Steve...Aunt Peggy passed away in her sleep today."

That's when Steve Rogers just fell to the floor, breaking down.


	8. Just Another Fear

"Would you like anything to drink, madam?" asked a jolly flight attendant pushing a cart filled with various alcohol.

"Vodka please," replied Natasha. The woman filled her a glass and set it down in front of her before moving on. Natasha just stared at as she swirled it around.

They were currently in Tony's private jet, heading back to DC for the funeral of Peggy Carter. Natasha glanced over at Steve sitting a few rows back, staring out the window. That's all he'd done since they boarded that morning.

The previous night Steve had come down during the fireworks show, suitcase in hand, telling Tony that he really need to leave. Tony of course has questioned him about the reason why and that's when Steve revealed Peggy's death. He'd been calm while he talked about it but you could see he'd been crying, not that he would cry in front of anyone, and you could hear the hurt in his voice as he spoke about it.

Everyone was very sympathetic and Tony suggested that they all go. He mentioned that he remembered Peggy being around some when he was a child to visit his father and he that all the Avengers pretty much owed her some respect because without her their would be no S.H.E.I.L.D. and thus no Avengers. Steve appreciated everyone's sympathy and it was decided that everyone would pack and leave in the morning.

Natasha has felt sick all the time she had packed. Steve had gotten a double-whammy of bad news that night. First her rejection and then Peggy's death...it would be a lot for anyone. Natasha had tried to go talk with him but J.A.R.V.I.S. had told her that Steve had requested that no one bother him. So she quietly returned her room and finished packing.

It was all during that time that she had thought about what had happened that night at the shed with Steve. She's forgive him for what he said because she really had showed her he cared. No one had ever tried so hard to make sure she remained in their life; most people she had known had tossed her aside whenever they were done with her for what purpose they needed or when they just got tired of her.

Natasha had knew something was up from that morning when she saw how weird him and Sam were acting at the elevator. She was still confused and frustrated with everything, and had had two days to let it all keep building up, that she just decided she didn't have time for whatever foolish things the boys were up to. However, he kept trying, even when she tried to ruin his attempts and he said he'd always keep trying. How could she not forgive him after that?

Everything seemed like it would return to normal between, maybe they would even hang out a bit during the rest of their vacation, but then he had to go and say **that**. He just had to say that he loved her.

When the words came out of his mouth Natasha just froze, not sure what to say. She remembered her conversation with Clint on that beach and how he talked about how Steve might like her and how he looked at her. She saw that look when he admitted his feelings. Sadly, since she was the one who gave him that look she was also the one who drained it away.

She told him she couldn't be in a relationship with him and then ran off, the last thing she said being that 'love is for children'. She remembered how hurt he'd looked and she too had been hurting but had ran away so he wouldn't see. No one could see her weak; she felt like her strength was one of the few things she had left and had control over. Her emotions certainly weren't something she felt she had control over now.

When Steve said he loved her, she had felt a hurricane of different emotions, mostly joy, fear, and confusion. Natasha was still sorting out her feelings for Steve, she'd been thinking about them since talking with Clint; thinking about it had been one of the things that was making her all confused and frustrated those two days. She thought about what Clint had said about how she looked at Steve, what Maria had said about how much time the two of them spent together, and this lead her to keep evaluating her feelings and that lead to more confusion.

When she felt that joy from his words she almost wanted to say she loved him back, maybe that was a heat of the moment thing or maybe she really did, but then she hesitated to think about it all rationally. Sure Steve was great and if he said he loved her she knew it was true...but would he really love her if he knew the whole her? The her that killed children? The her that had used her body as a tool? The her that had burned down a hospital full of S.H.E.I.L.D. agents and innocent citizens?

Natasha had then remembered the hospital fire and all the burn scars that were on her back from when a flaming piece of the ceiling had fell on her. It was probably the most excruciating pain she had ever felt. The reason she was there was a simple mission: kill a group of S.H.E.I.L.D. agents recovering from a KBG attack. Natasha had done plenty of mission where she had to finish off those who hadn't just been shot down during a fight. But this one was different. This was the mission that put her on S.H.E.I.L.D.'s radar and would later have Clint come after her. Usually the mission just had one target but now it was a whole S.H.E.I.L.D. unit. And how was she going to take out so many people without getting noticed by the others. Simple, they had told her, just burn the whole place down.

The agents had put themselves up in a poorer hospital so that maybe no one would find them. It didn't work and here the KGB were getting ready to burn the hospital down. Natasha had been told to disguise herself as a nurse and plant the gasoline around the hospital and to also be the one to set the first form the inside. Natasha had to admit she was scared; what if she didn't get out fast enough? But they told her it would be ok and just to think about how much she would raise in the ranks because of it. So she listened to them and did as she was told. However after she lit the fire it started getting out of control too fast. She started trying to run to get out but so many things were falling around her and most exits were blocked by flames. She remembered hearing people screaming and how the heat was making her sweat. She remembered running everywhere to get out until a piece of the burning ceiling hit her in the back.

The pain has been horrible and even after she moved away from it it hurt to much to get up. It was one of the many times Natasha felt she was about to die but it was one of the worst ways she could imagine. She felt bad that she'd put a whole group of innocent people through it. She had closed her eyes to accept it and when she opened then she was in a KGB hospital. She asked who had rescued her but all anyone would tell her was that a man with long brown hair and goggles, who certainly didn't work for them, had pulled her out along with a S.H.E.I.L.D. agent the KGB wanted dead. He was silent and scary and simply dropped Natasha in front of them. They pointed guns at him and told him to give the agent to them but with one look they dropped their guns and let him go. One man even said he was really a robot sent by S.H.E.I.L.D. but considering the agent was later found dead she doubted that.

Natasha's biggest fear was that if her and Steve were in a relationship then one day he would learn about her scars and one day he would ask and she wouldn't be able to tell the truth but she wouldn't be able to lie either. She'd be caught by her past, the red would flow over and it would drown her. Sure Steve said he would love her no matter what, that whatever it was wouldn't change his feelings. But if he really knew all about her then she knew that wouldn't be true. Steve was too virtuous; he cared about people first. Natasha was different; she cared about completing the mission no matter what. She knew he wouldn't be able to condone her killing so many innocent people in some of the worst ways possible. She knew he couldn't love all of her, past and present. So she did what she knew was best: she ran away.

Now as she looked over at him she felt horrible and guilty. Steve had ultimately lost the two girls he loved all in the same night. She took a sip of her vodka then sighed.

"You should go over there."

Natasha turned around and saw Clint behind her. He moved around to take a seat in front of her. "Excuse me?" she said.

"You should go over there," he repeated, "To Steve."

Natasha glanced over at Steve and then sighed. "He looks like he wants to be alone, and even if he didn't I probably am not the one he wants to see."

"What'd you do?" asked Clint.

"Why do you assume **I** did something?" she asked.

"Because I know you," said Clint, smiling.

Natasha sighed and then explained to him about what happened with Steve the night before.

"And then he said...he said that he loved me," she said.

"And you said?"

"...Clint, I said what I had too," she said.

"Which was?" he asked, though he already had pieced it together.

"Clint I can't be in a relationship, not a serious, romantic one. You learned that first hand. There's too many things from the past that I know Steve won't be able to accept, things I didn't even think you could accept and it's not like your moral compass always pointed in the right direction. It would just end badly."

"Natasha you can't just think that you know how he'll react and use that as an excuse not to face you own feelings," said Clint. "Natasha there will come a day when you have to face all those things you don't want to about your past. So why not face it all with someone beside you? Someone who cares for and loves you like no one else?"

Natasha stared down at the ice cubes in her vodka. Why did Clint always know just what to say to make her question some of the things she did?

"Natasha look," sighed Clint, "You can face your feelings for Steve, here and now, or later, but one day you will have too. However, now...he needs you."

Natasha looked up at him as he continued. "I don't care how you go to him, as just a friend, a lover, whatever but just go to him. He needs you, Natasha."

With that Clint got up and patted Natasha's shoulder as he passed by. Natasha stared over at Steve again. He still was just looking out the window.

Natasha got up and walked over to where Steve was sitting and sat down beside him. He didn't even glance over at her.

Steve looked awful. He obviously hadn't gotten much sleep and his eyes were still somewhat puffy and red. He was resting his head on one hand and the other was balled up resting on his leg.

Natasha hesitated for a moment and then placed her hand over his fist. That's when Steve finally looked over at her. She gave him a soft smile.

They stared at each other a moment before Natasha did the only thing she knew to do for comfort: she hugged him.

Steve didn't make a movement but Natasha didn't let go. Finally, he wrapped his arms around her and placed his head on her shoulder.

And that was when Steve Rogers did something he hadn't done in front of anyone all day: he started crying.


	9. Just Another Funeral

Though it was probably surprising, Natasha hadn't been to too many funerals. The only ones she could clearly remember were the ones for Coulson after New York and the one for Fury (and he wasn't even really dead). When she worked for the KGB those she worked with who died either had their bodies left, taken by the enemy, or she didn't know them well enough to fill she should attend their funeral. She never had any funerals for any family members because most of them died in ways that their was no body left to bury.

Natasha shook away those depressing thoughts and looked at herself in the mirror. They were all in a hotel that Tony had paid for, preparing for Peggy's visitation to take place that night. Natasha finished putting on the black hoes and the black dress that had been left on her bed and was slipping on her black shoes when she heard a knock on the door.

"Coming!" she said she slipped her last shoe on and made her way to the door. When she pulled it open she saw Tony standing there.

"Hello Stark. Needing something?" she asked.

"I need you to go check on Steve. He's not answering the door and it's almost time to get over there," he said.

"...Sure," she said, a bit hesitant.

Tony noticed. "If he'll answer for anyone it'll be you Romanoff. We leave in 15 so get him down there." With that he left and Natasha headed over to Steve's room, three doors down.

She held her hand up to knock but hesitated again. Steve was grieving and she felt like she was intruding. She took a deep breath and then knocked. "Steve, it's Natasha."

Nothing.

She knocked again. "Steve, please open up."

Nothing.

She wanted to knock again but decided not to. She opened her mouth to tell him when they were leaving until he appeared in front of her.

His blond hair was combed down and his black suit was military crisp but his eyes were still semi-puffy and in his hands he held a tie. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," she replied.

"Uh, come in," he said before he turned back into his room.

She followed him in and watched as he stood in front of the mirror trying to tie his tie.

"What do you need?" he asked.

"Stark sent me to come get you. We're leaving in about 15 minutes."

He stopped tying for a minute and stared into the mirror. "...Ok just let me finish with my tie." He resumed trying to tie it and that's when Natasha noticed his hands were shaking as he did. He kept messing up and starting over until she walked over to him and took it from his hands.

He turned around to face her and she gently placed it under his collar to begin. "...I know how to do it," he whispered.

"I know...but sometimes it's ok to get a little help," she said as she continued working.

Silence feel over them for a moment, not an awkward silent but a somber one. One where they both knew the other would always be there.

"...I'm not ready," he whispered, "...I'm not ready to let her go."

She paused for a moment and stared at his chest, not knowing what to say. "...It'll be ok, Steve," was all she could get out.

She finished tying his tie and straighten it down but neither of them moved. She wanted to do something to help him but she couldn't think of anyone she'd lost that'd she been as close as Steve had to been to Peggy. She didn't know the pain he must have been in.

"Natasha..." he began and she looked up at him. He gave her a weak smile. "Thank you."

With that Natasha smiled back and wrapped her arms around his neck, standing on her toes to do it. "I'll always be here, Steve," she whispered.

He wrapped her arms around her waist and rested his head on her shoulder. "...I know."

They remained there for a moment until they heard a knock at the door. "Hey Rogers, Romanoff! We've got to get going," said Stark.

They let each other go but when they did Steve grabbed her hand. "Let's go then," he said.

They headed out the door to see Stark still standing there. When he noticed Steve holding Natasha's hand he gave her a smile. "Car's downstairs," he said and the three of them headed off.

When they got to the car Steve sat by Natasha, still holding her hand. Everyone rode in silence as the headed to the funeral home. Natasha stared out the window at D.C. thinking back to her and Steve's fight with the Winter Soldier. She didn't realize they were getting close until Steve squeezed her hand, hard.

She looked up and noticed the funeral home through the front window. She looked over at Steve who was staring at it; she could see the fear in his eyes.

She reached over and put her hand on his shoulder and he stared down at her. "It'll be ok," she began. He just nodded before looking back at the funeral home.

The car drove up to the door and everyone got out as Tony instructed the driver that he could leave and he'd call back when the time came. Natasha could see Steve taking a deep breath, readying himself for something he never thought he'd have to face yet.

When they all walked into the building, they were the only people in there. The funeral home director came to greet them and told them that the family was in the sanctuary for the family visitation but he would go ask them if they were ready for visitors.

When he came back he asked them to follow him and they headed into the sanctuary. When they entered they noticed Sharon standing by Peggy's casket.

Overcome with emotion, Steve let go of Natasha's hand and ran up to Sharon. Sharon turned and gave him a hug as she whipped her eyes. When they let go Steve slowly walked toward Peggy and Natasha watched as he place his hand on the side of the casket...then slowly went to sobbing.

A few hours passed with more people coming in and out to honor Peggy and give Sharon their sympathy and then socialize in the lobby. That's where Natasha was currently standing flipping through a photo album of Peggy that had been set up on a table with some of Peggy's awards from S.H.E.I.L.D. and the army. It contained pictures from her wedding, pictures of her with Howard Stark, pictures of her with a very young Sharon, pictures of her with S.H.E.I.L.D. members, and then at the very end a picture of her in her bed at the nursing home with Steve sitting beside her, both of them smiling the biggest smiles at the camera.

"I don't know how my aunt did it," said a voice coming up beside Natasha.

Natasha closed the photo album and turned to see Sharon beside her. "Did what?" she asked.

Sharon sighed and leaned against the table. "These funerals. I didn't realize how much it is to organize one of these and my aunt helped with so many, especially when he family just got too overwhelmed."

She paused for a second and stared down at her shoes. "...I'd only ever been to my parents and uncles funerals before and I don't really remember either of them...but I do remember how strong my aunt was during them. Even losing her sister and her husband, too people so close to her, she was able to do it all with a strong face. I never really saw her cry except when it was just us at home and even then she tried not to cry in front of me...I think she could do it because she'd done it all before. She helped with the funeral of the Starks, Colonel Phillips, numerous S.H.E.I.L.D. agents, so many friends...I always wondered if part of it was because none of them could ever be worse as when she attended the funeral for Steve."

They both stared at the doors for the sanctuary, they last place they saw Steve earlier. "I would like to think he's lucky for being frozen so long and not having to face the deaths of so many friends but then again he couldn't tell them goodbye...I think it's really eating him that he didn't tell her goodbye but it was so sudden though my aunt didn't seemed to feel it coming."

"What do you mean by that?" asked Natasha.

Sharon sighed, "My aunt told me a few nights ago, after she talked to Steve, that she felt everything was finally going to be ok. I didn't know what she meant, I thought she was saying that maybe she felt she was getting better. So I told her yeah it would be...but now I think she was talking about this. I think she felt it coming."

It was silence for a moment and then Natasha spoke. "She seems like she was a remarkable woman. I wish I could have met her."

Sharon turned to her. "She wished she could've met you too. Though I think she felt like she knew you a bit already."

Natasha was surprised. "Why?"

Sharon laughed. "Because Steve talked about you all the time! He loved to tell her stories of working with you and she loved listening to them because he was always so happy when he talked about you."

Natasha was surprised; she didn't think that Steve would want to spend his time telling Peggy stories of their missions.

"Um, Natasha?" began Sharon.

Natasha snapped back. "Yeah?"

"Well, bringing up wanting to meet my aunt made me remember this," she said as she pulled an envelope out of her blazer pocket and handed it to Natasha, "My aunt was writing a letter the night before she passed and I found it on her nightstand."

Natasha stared down at name on the envelope.

"Surprisingly it was addressed to you."


	10. Just Another Dance

Four weeks had passed since Peggy's funeral and Natasha hadn't seen Steve over the last two. She could tell that his grief had been getting worse, especially since the actually funeral. The funeral had finally made it so final, watching her casket being put in the ground, watching her leave for the last time.

Steve slowly began getting more withdrawn after that, even though he said he was doing ok. Then about a week after the funeral Fury and everyone else noticed he just wasn't working as he normally did and Fury asked him to take some time off. During his time off Natasha would visit him, usually bringing some dinner. They would talk for a bit, though a lot of the time it was brief and almost awkward. Neither wanted to bring up Steve's loss.

Two weeks ago however Steve would get to where he'd politely ask her to leave, which she would, and then he got to where he just stopped answering. Normally she would just leave some dinner in front of his door but as of late she had just stopped going at all. She didn't feel like bothering him if he didn't want it.

She sighed as she got up from her couch and went to her kitchen where she pulled a box of leftover shawarma out of her fridge and that's when she saw the open letter still laying on the counter. She thought she'd put it up.

She sat down on a stool and pulled the envelope too her. In neat handwriting was the words 'Agent Natasha Romanoff'. Natasha stared at her name for a moment before pulling the letter out again. She had probably read it 20 times by now and still the words had such a big effect. She was surprised that Peggy had written to her.

It read:

_Dear Agent Romanoff,_

_Hello, I'm Peggy Carter. I am I sure you must be surprised to receive this letter from me considering you don't know me but I feel that I somewhat know you, Agent Romanoff. _I've heard a few things about you from other people, some not as good as others, but_ Steve talks about you a lot when he comes to visit and he's always happiest telling those stories. So understand that the only person's opinion on you that I care about is Steve's. You seem to be a really important person in his life. So if Steve believes you to be a good person then so do I._

_The reason I write you this letter is because of Steve. You see Agent Romanoff there are two people who matter most to me in life now: my niece, Sharon, and Steve. They mean everything to me and even now I want to make sure that everything would be ok with them before I could let this life go. I watched Sharon become a strong woman and I knew after hearing about what she did when all that mess happened with S.H.E.I.L.D. a few months ago that she would be fine without me._

_Then there's Steve. You may have noticed that Steve hasn't totally adjusted to this era. He's getting better but I still worry that he's wasting his second chance. I love when he visits but sometimes I feel that he's hanging onto the past too much.  
_

_I really feel that I can't pass peacefully until I knew Steve would be ok and embrace this life. I don't want him to forget the past but I don't want him to waste his future. This is my reason for writing to you._

_You may or may not know this, it depends on if he told you yet, but I really do believe that Steve loves you, Agent Romanoff. Really, really loves you. He called me a few days ago and asked me if I would want him to move on. Oh course I wanted him to move on. I had to in life and I felt he had too to. I knew I'd still have a special place in his heart like he had in mine. I mean I still love him even today but I loved my husband too. I wanted Steve to find someone he could love too who could be with him after I passed. I think I kept holding on so strongly until he did.  
_

_He's found that someone in you and I hope that you feel the same. I'm not sure if you do and that's your choice but Steve really is a lovely man. He's sweet, caring, gentlemanly, strong, oh I could go on and on.  
_

_Agent Romanoff, if you do return his feelings then please be there for him, especially when I pass. I haven't told him this but I've been feeling worse and worse each day. Of course I didn't want to tell Steve because I really wanted him to go on this vacation and enjoy it. I'm writing this now in hopes that I'll be here to give you this but how I've felt today I don't know. It almost hurts to hold this pen to write. If I am gone then I'm sure this letter will get to you as I will leave it someone they can see it. If I do pass before then now I feel I can peacefully because I know he has you.  
_

_When I pass I'm sure Steve will grieve but he'll try to be strong for everyone. Let him know that he can be weak around you, he can cry around you, he can talk to you. He may get to where he wants to push you and the future away. Please help him understand that he needs to embrace his second chance, that I want him to embrace his second chance. And please, please..._

_Take him for a dance._

_Sincerely,_

_Peggy Carter_

She sighed as she laid the letter back down. She couldn't believe that this woman she had never meet trusted her with caring for Steve, a person who meant the world to her. Natasha couldn't think of a time anyone had that must trust in her. As she thought about the letter, she thought about Steve. Here he was grieving and she wasn't there helping. Sure maybe it would be best to leave him alone if he wanted it but she knew he shouldn't grieve alone. She needed to do something to help him. She stared down at the letter again, thinking hard, and then an idea popped into her head. She looked at the clock. _1:15 pm...plenty of time._

It was about 5 hours later when Natasha appeared in front of Steve's apartment door. She could hear a slow melody playing from in the apartment. She knocked once.

No answer.

She knocked again.

No answer. He probably couldn't even here it.

She decided to try the door knob, just to see if she was lucky and it'd be open. It was.

She slowly made her way into the house and was surprised at what she saw. It was still dark, only the light in the kitchen was on. It hadn't look like it'd been cleaned in a month and Natasha saw two bottles of whiskey on the floor. _Oh Steve..._

She kept walking through the house before she got to his bedroom in the back. Sitting on his bed facing with his back to her was Steve. A record play sat on the table beside his bed and he was humming along with Frank Sinatra's 'I'll Never Smile Again'.

"I'll never love again, I'm so in love with you..." played the record. "I'll never thrill again to somebody new-new-new" The record kept repeating, probably scratched from over playing.

Natasha watched as Steve took the needle off the record and picked it up to look at. "Hey," she began.

Steve quickly jerked around, surprised. Natasha finally got a look at him and he looked rough. He hadn't shaved in weeks, he didn't look like he'd combed his hair in a while, the white tee-shirt and sweat pants he wore were filthy, and his eyes were listless. It looked as if he'd wanted to cry but had ran out of tears.

"Natasha," he whispered.

She gave him a soft,sad smile as she headed over to where he sat. He moved his record and record player to the floor and she noticed a picture of him and Peggy stuck in the lid. As she sat down beside him, she noticed his bed was unmade, very unusual for him. He really wasn't himself she could see.

"H-How did you get in?" he asked.

"You didn't lock your door," she said.

"Oh," he began and a silence fell over them. Natasha could tell that Steve didn't want anyone to see him in the state he was in.

"So, uh, what are you so dolled up for?" he asked, changing the subject and breaking the silence. "Got a date?"

Natasha was dressed up for more than just a visit to Steve. Her hair was curled nicely, she had put some makeup on, she wore pearl earrings, necklace, a nice trench coat, black hoes, and black heels. She smiled. "Maybe I do."

"Yeah? With who?" Steve asked.

She grinned again and stood up. "With you."

Steve looked at her confused. "What?"

"You and me are going out tonight," she said.

"...Natasha," he began slowly, "I really don't feel like going out anywhere."

"Too bad. Steve you have to get out of here. I mean look at you, look at this place. I understand you need time to yourself to grieve but if you stay locked up in here you won't get any better."

"Natasha going out isn't going to help," he said as he stood up to leave the room.

"Maybe it will take your mind off of her for a bit Steve," she said.

"Well maybe I don't want her off my mind!" he yelled.

Natasha was surprised by his anger. They stared at each other a minute before she saw tears starting to form in his eyes. "I-I don't want her off my mind...because I don't want to forget her."

"Steve you'll never forget her...but she wouldn't want you to keep dwelling on this. She wants you to live you life, just like she did when you passed."

"What would you know about her?" he asked.

Natasha sighed. _This was a bad idea._ She decided just to go home. As she walked pasted him she handed him an envelope and a post-it note. "I know more than you think."

And with that she left.

****

XXXXXXXX

Steve waited until he heard the door shut before he looked at what she had handed him. On the post-it note was a time, 8:00 pm, an address, and the words 'Wear your army uniform'. He then looked at the envelope. It had already been open. When he flipped it around he noticed the name, Agent Natasha Romanoff. _What?_ Why was Natasha giving him a letter addressed to her. He pulled it out and was surprised by the first line he saw, 'Hello, I'm Peggy Carter'.

Steve sat down on the bed and began reading the letter. When he finished he sat there a moment, thinking. _Natasha..._ He thought about how Natasha had been there for him through this and how over the past few weeks he'd been pushing her away, just like Peggy said he would. He thought about how maybe Natasha returned his feelings and how maybe he could embrace his second chance with her. He looked at the post-it not again and then the clock. _7:00 pm. I've got to hurry._

So Steve jumped up and quickly showered, shaved, brushed his teeth, combed his hair, and put on his uniform. As he adjusted his tie he noticed his compass sitting on his dresser. He picked it up and twirled it around in his hand for a moment. Then he gave it a squeeze and whispered, "Thank you...". It was still sitting on his dresser when he ran out the door.

He quickly flagged a cab and gave them the address. As he rode he thought about when he told Natasha he liked her at the beach. Was this now a way of her saying she would let him in if he would let her in. She'd seem him at his lowest through this time and was wanting to help. Maybe she'd tell him of her lowest times and let him help.

When they arrived at the address he noticed it was a big club building with the word 'Aces' in large, bright lights on it's front. He didn't see anyone outside and wondered for a moment if he had the wrong address. Steve looked at his watch. It was just now 8:00 pm. He quickly paid the cab driver and headed into the building.

What he saw inside surprised him. It was decorated like an old 1940s dance hall. Up on a stage was a jazz band playing some tunes. Steve looked around and noticed that he knew most of the people there, some just S.H.E.I.L.D. agents he'd worked with, others he noticed were Tony and Pepper, Clint and Bobbi, etc. Everyone was dressed in 1940s clothing.

He looked around quickly to see if he could find Natasha. "Hello handsome," said a voice behind him. Steve turned around and came face to face with Natasha, who had taken off her coat and was wearing a collared red tea dress. He smiled at her. "Hello ma'am."

"Don't you clean up nice," she said.

"Had to look good in case I meet a pretty lady," he said.

They stood there a minute, smiling at each other. "Natasha," he began but she put her finger to his mouth.

"Don't worry, Steve. I know you're sorry," she said, "...I am too."

"For what?" he asked.

"...For that night on the beach. Steve I-I-" She paused and took a breath. "I want to try this, Steve. I want to try this, even if it means you'll learn about the bad parts of me. I want to see what will happen because...because I love you."

Steve grabbed her hand and pulled her into a hug. "Me too, Nat. Me too."

"Do you want to dance?" she asked as he let her go.

He smiled as he grabbed her hand. "I'd love too," he said.

So they headed out onto the floor. Bruce stepped up the mic to announce the next song. "Ok so this one is going to slow it down a bit. Hit it guys," he said.

With that the band started playing. "I wanna be loved by you, just you," the lead singer began. "Nobody else but you."

As the music played Steve danced Natasha around the room, though being a bit rusty he did step on her toes once. After that though everything started going smoothly. She smiled up at him as they went around and he smiled at her. Natasha was worth the future, worth trying this and seeing where it lead, be it heartache or happiness.

As the danced Steve looked over her head and thought he saw Peggy standing in the corner, wavy brown hair, sweet red lips, her army uniform on. She smiled at him, then mouthed the words 'Good luck', before waving goodbye. When he twirled around again she was gone.

He smiled, softly, finally accepting she was gone. _Thank you..._

As the song began to end, Steve thought about everything that had happened since the vacation. It seemed like everything had been leading him to this moment, this time with Natasha.

When the song ended and their dancing stopped he looked at Natasha's flustered face and smiled. He was in love with her and he could only wonder what was in store for the future.

Hopefully whatever it was would be just another day in paradise.


End file.
